


Safe haven

by Luminimanoise



Series: Letting oneself breathe [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Reunions, but they start to figure it out somewhat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-12 13:44:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20565317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luminimanoise/pseuds/Luminimanoise
Summary: With Ed waking up his loved ones can finally breathe out a sigh of relief and start to fill him in on all the changes and events that have happened. Everyone's curious about what he and Ana lived through too.But even though on surface Edward seems fine, he can feel a presence behind his back. Always there, always looking. Waiting for something to happen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I may have gone a little overboard with the opening sequence so warnings for blood and death. It isn't very graphic though.

Voices were calling for him. He knew they were and frankly, he didn't care. He was busy at the moment and being interrupted would just wake him up from this routine he tried to establish these days. Laundry wasn't going to hang itself. Besides, it was kinda nice to do some work outside every once in a while. 

Spring was slowly getting warmer and warmer with each passing day and a feel of a soft wind blowing through his hair was really pleasant. He could almost pretend he's standing in the fields of Risembool. Well, almost. The house he lived in was pretty close to the industrial district so fresh air was impossible, but still. 

With head floating somewhere in the clouds he's gone through half of the basket before grubby hands started pulling at his pants. 

"Ana, please. I have work to-"

Black arms, like serpentines or ribbons, started crawling higher his legs and only years of experience in keeping his face blank stopped him from crying out in surprise. He let the white shirt fall into the mud on the ground and started pulling on the black substance, now on his waist. It didn't do much and he could only watch in horror, scratching and digging his nails into the hands. 

Panic almost overcame his mind, but then he heard a scream coming out from behind him. It was cut short. His body froze and he couldn't make himself turn to face whatever made that noise. He just couldn't. He knew very well what sight would welcome him. 

But because he lost his focus black hands were already on his face. He could feel them crawling, their every move sending a shiver down his spine. They slowly made him turn and he had to bite his lip down not to let out a wail.

The ground of his garden was covered with limp figures hidden under the white laundry. He could tell those were corpses because of the splashes of red here and there. He couldn't see their faces nor he could recognize them just by the silhouettes but from under the cloths peaked out their hair or hands holding their most loved possessions. 

Luisa's favorite yellow ribbon, a present from her late mother. Paula's plush dog, she slept with it every night. Marcel's scarf, the ugliest thing anyone has ever seen. And Rolf would never leave his model plane behind. 

Ana's hand, still covered in dirt as she tried to dig up worms from the mud in the front yard the very same morning, was gripping an earing. If he remembered correctly it was green, not purple, last time he had seen it. But that was unimportant, he just had to focus his eyes on something. He didn't want to lift his gaze. 

"Edward Elric." the voice said to him. Ed heard that voice in every single one of his dreams. His brain just couldn't find anything else to hold onto, right? It had to be that little white form of a person with a wicked smile always present on its face. 

He felt its presence behind his back. Always, always, behind his back. Looking, judging, waiting. For what, he didn't know. Besides, it's not as if he wasn't aware that The Truth he sensed was just a fragment of his imagination, of that broken mind of his. It wasn't real in the slightest. 

He hadn't had any control over it but sometimes he really regretted that his brain fixated on _that_ part belonging to the other world. Not Risembool, not his mother or brother. Not Winry or any of his friends. In the beginning, he had been pretty sure the scene that would play over and over in his head would be the last time he lied his eyes on anything on the other side. But after a couple of years, even Roy's horrified face started to blur and soon the only speck of color that contrasted with everything around was Ed's old red cloak that the man was gripping in his hands. 

The earring in Ana's hand turned orange. 

"Edward Elric, you always do that. Why do you destroy my plans so? Wasn't you satisfied enough?" the voice said cheerily. "Won't you respond? When have you become so shy?" Ed still kept his lips sealed. When was the last time talking back got him anywhere? "No matter. There is just a message that you must know of. A warning. That travel of yours wasn't free you know. There is a price to pay."

"You're kidding me." was what came out of his mouth. "Haven't I- Haven't I pay enough?" Ed asked and squeezed his eyes shut. There were so many bodies covering the lawn. Was his garden even that big? No, it couldn't be. "What else do you want?" 

Black hands let his body go and he stumbled forward, falling into the mud puddle. He wanted to brush the hair out of his face but when he lifted his hands up they were covered in blood. He could feel splashes of it on his face. 

"Would you become an alchemist again?"

"I- " and there it was. Alchemy. Even to this day he could still feel tingling in his fingers when he thought about circles, little lightnings going along his skin without leaving a trace. Sometimes he would dream of using it and when he woke up it felt so real that he walked around the house just to look for some changes. There never were any. 

"This time for me. The Gate Alchemist. Doesn't sound half bad, does it now?"

"The Gate...? What does that even mea-"

"Well, it's not like I'm giving you a choice. The Gate became... destabilized, because of you and the little one. You will take care of it. And now, will you wake up? Can't you hear the voices calling you?"

And there were. Voices, different now but beloved all the same. They cried for him, asking to come home. His hands sank deeper into the puddle he still sat in and gripped some material. It must have been the shirt he let go of earlier. 

Ed pulled it with him getting up.

What he saw was his red coat. The very same one he wore throughout his whole adolescence. It burned his hands as if it was on fire, but before he could throw it away from himself with repulsion everything turned white. 

Opening his eyes was harder than he thought it would be. Someone must have glued his eyelids together, he was sure of it. 

Even on his worst days, when getting up in the morning felt impossible, he was able to make himself do it. There were so many things to do. Staying in bed all day was out of the question, but now even opening his eyes felt like a task he could never manage.

„Mr. Elric?” the female voice reached his ears. Was that one of the kids waking him up? He asked them so many times not to do that. Sometimes after a particularly bad night, he would lash out.

He was glad that wasn’t one of those nights. 

„Mr. Elric? Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?” the voice hurried. He mumbled something in response and tried to cover his face with his arm but it didn’t work as it should. The alarms started to ring in his head. „Oh no. Mr. Elric, please calm down. It’s nothing, you are safe here. No one is going to hurt you. It’s just the IV." 

Well, that didn't exactly help much but he tried to calm down as he was told. First, he needed more information. He needed to know where he was, what was wrong with him, what-

"Oh, I think he fell under again. Maybe-"

"It wouldn't be the first time." someone sighed from beside the bed. There was something very familiar about that voice. Ed's treacherous heart did a little flip in his chest. 

"Please, keep talking, Mr. Mustang. There was a minor change in the heartbeat. Maybe your voice stirs something in Mr. Elric's mind." doctor's statement was followed by an awkward pause and some shuffling. Ed was somewhat awake at that moment but he couldn't make himself move. If that was a dream how could he? He wished to hear that voice even once more for years. He was sure that if he even breathed funny all of it was going to end. Curiosity also took hold of him.

That silly teenage crush was going to be the death of him. 

"Fullmetal, " Roy sounded quiet and unsure which was pretty weird. And that title was so out of place. Ed didn't hear that name for so long that it almost felt as if Roy was calling someone entirely else. Someone who wasn't able to answer anymore. "I know you want to wake up and it would be very... kind of you if you did. Alphonse and Winry were already informed and they are rushing here so I'm just here as a replacement. Just for a while." more silence followed and Ed almost took pity on the man, almost opened his eyes, almost lifted his hand. He wanted to say that if he wanted to he could stay some more. His lips formed around Roy's name, but he discovered he couldn't move at all. Nothing listened. Even if he wanted to give a sign his mind started to get foggy. "Anais will come here with them."

'Anais. Ana. Oh, thank God, she's alive.' was his last thought before exhaustion overwhelmed him. 

When he woke up once again, it was to hushed tones having a conversation, some quiet snoring and someone humming. He knew that tune. The song itself was sad but the voice singing it filled his heart with endearment. He tested his fingers first, to see if he could move this time and when they complied with his request he lifted his arm to embrace the little form lying by his side on the bed. 

Ana must have been half asleep because she startled a little, but soon with a happy noise, or more of a choked sob, she was flinging herself at Ed with full force. She got a handful of his hair trying to hug his neck and her knee landed on his stomach but he didn't mind. 

Someone made a sound of objection but was silenced pretty quickly. Whoever kicked that person had Ed's thanks. When the memories started slowly returning a relief washed over him and if not the girl in his arms, well, one arm, he would collapse right at this moment. Besides he had to see. He had to confirm his hopes and the memories that seemed too good to be true. 

The cloud that was Ana's hair was narrowing his field of vision so, after a moment he gave himself to calm down, he looked up at the room. 

He was in the hospital, that much was clear. But that wasn't important when he saw his brother's face, standing awkwardly at the side, with Winry just behind his back. He must have made some kind of noise because the next second even more arms surrounded him and he felt so warm. He felt safe. 

The tension he didn't even know he had in himself seemed to left him the moment he looked into his brother's eyes, a similar shade to his own. The real, human eyes not the dark slits in the helm of an armor. Tears were sliding down Alphonse's cheeks and his whole face looked redder and redder with every second.

So many years ago, at the Promised Day, he actually did it. Ed got his brother's body back. He never got to see it with his own eyes, never got to see Al leaving the battlefield walking on his human legs. They must've shaken so badly. Ed would never regret his choice, but he couldn't forgive himself either that he wasn't there when Al needed him.

His brother pulled away, just a little, not wanting to break the contact yet and, after a moment he took to catch a breath, he said:

"Welcome home, brother."

Winry put her hands on Ed's face and made him look at her. Tears, happy ones, were sliding down her face.

"Welcome home, you idiot."

He knew there were other people in the room, he recognized the blue of a military uniform. But he couldn't care less when he finally reunited with his family. Didn't even bat an eye when tears started falling down from his own eyes, one after another, and his throat got so swollen he couldn't catch a breath for a while. It somewhat felt like his ribcage was caving in. 

With slender hands keeping his head up, one resting on his shoulder and a weight of Ana in his lap he felt happier than-

Happier than he felt in years. Maybe even in his whole life. 

Some warnings started to appear in his head but for now, he let himself ignore them just for a moment more. Just one more fleeting moment.

"I'm home."

Soon the doctor came and asked everyone out. Just Ana and Al stayed out of sheer stubbornness. And because the woman liked them enough. 

After a checkup, Dr. Trace started to explain the situation to him, what injuries he obtained, what medical procedures were carried out. Ed wasn't surprised when he heard his prosthetics were taken off. They were of the poor sort either way and weren't worth the effort it took to keep them on. 

The perspective of sitting with Winry and discussing designs for new ones made him oddly bubbly inside. That didn't surprise him either, his emotions were all over the place and he didn't even have the energy to keep them in check. 

What finally made him pause was the information that he spent the last 9 months in a coma. Apparently, it was due to extreme exhaustion of the body and malnutrition. After he was transported to the hospital the blunt trauma to the head was discovered, but doctors suspected mental trauma also. 

It was said that doctors had done all in their power to keep his muscles in good condition, but he would still need to go through a couple of months of physiotherapy. That could be arranged in the future as they would keep him for the observation 3 more weeks. All of his injuries healed already during his sleep but the situation was odd enough that they wanted to have an eye on him a little longer.

He couldn't find any flaws in this thinking so he thanked the doctor, promised to get some rest and with that, she walked out. 

Al and Ana sat near each other on the chairs by his bedside. He reached his hand and put it on the girl's head. She didn't try to run from it so he knew he screwed up badly this time. 

"Did you do something to your hair?" Ed asked and pulled lightly on one of the locks. He didn't really expect any response from her for a while so when she grabbed his wrist he was a little startled. She squeezed it briefly and then just loosely held on. She murmured something. "Hmm?"

"Don't do this again." she said a little louder, her voice hoarse. "Don't, please." 

He hummed at that, not wanting to make her a promise he couldn't keep.

"I'm sorry I scared you." he said instead and the only response he got this time was a tight nod. "Where...?" he turned to Al and his brother understood what was on his mind in instant. He forgot how useful that was.

"She stayed with Hughes' for the most part. I would take her in, but I live in this small dorm near Central college. There's barely any space for me and my roommates. I won't lie, they were part of the problem." Al sighed but Ed could hear a trace of fondness. He was happy that Al found some good people to hang out with. "Oh, and the general helped a lot, too."

"The general?" 

"Oh, yeah. Colonel Mustang. I think that was his rank when... yeah. He's a general now. Works here at the Central Command." after a moment he added, "He was taking Ana in on the weekends." 

His voice was a little hesitant when he was speaking of it and his brother didn't show any reaction. He wanted to continue but Ed finally opened his mouth.

"Oh! That's- that's amazing. Congratulations are in order, huh?" and what hit Al was that Ed seemed genuinely happy. Ed he remembered would say something snarky or sarcastic but this version of his brother even smiled with some sort of relief. That was... something. "And of course, I will have to thank them all for taking care of her." he stroked Ana's hair some more. 

"I'm sure they will be happy to see you." Happy was an understatement.

"Hey, Al. I must thank you too." he made a move as if he tried to bow but that was quickly stopped by both Ana and Al. 

"Oh, no. You are going to lay back down on the pillow right this moment. Nuh-uh. Don't you dare. 'Thank you' was never needed between us and it certainly isn't needed now." Ed would argue further but he saw Ana bobbing her head in agreement behind Al. Little traitor.

"Just-"

"Nope." Al stopped him again with a smile on his face. Ed almost forgot that this kid could be sassy too if he wanted to. He could only capitulate and fall back on the pillow. 

"Fine. Okay.” 

„Brother” Al started after a minute but Ed could see some inner turmoil going on around in his head. He knew he wouldn’t hear what Al really wanted to say. „Are you tired? I’m sure guys are still waiting outside for some news. Do you think you’re okay with seeing them?”

„I... yeah. That would be great, actually.” The team was his family too. They weren’t as tightly knitted as a childhood friend and a brother but he did love them. Years he spent away just convinced him further that it’s the truth. 

And he wasn’t disappointed when Havoc barreled through the door with Fuery on his heels. Falman showed him one of his calm smiles Ed still remembered and Breda sent him a smirk from behind Havoc’s back, who was preoccupied with dragging one of the chairs closer. 

Riza took the seat Al sat in before and covered Ed’s hand with hers. 

„It’s good to see you again, Edward.” She said with this gentle tone she always used on him when he was younger. Instantly he felt his eyes get wet with unshed tears and then warmth spreading through his body when no one commented on it. 

He squeezed her hand and soon found himself in the conversation about all that has happened while 'he was away', as everyone kept calling it. They didn’t ask and he didn’t try to explain. 

There would come time for that, telling them about his life these past years, but for now, he much preferred listening to the stories about that one time Havoc lost his pants or Breda set the oven on fire. 

Before they knew it it was time to go. Visiting hours ended and the nurse politely asked the group to start leaving the facility. 

Ana was going to go back with Al to Hughes’ family but doctors allowed her to stay that one night. They were going to come to visit either way the next day, so the doctor decided it was fine. 

Al was reluctant to leave but he did so after Ed said they wouldn’t be able to sleep with all that excitement. After all, he wanted his brother to rest. He promised he won't move an inch from the bed and that he still will be there when Al comes back the next day. 

„Tell me,” Ed asked Ana when the night settled already and everyone left them alone. „How was it? You kept quiet the whole time, but you look like you want to say something.”

„Hughes’ family is really nice. They took good care of me.” She said simply. „You don’t have to worry at all.”

He hummed in response. He wouldn’t suspect them of neglecting Ana but he needed to hear that from her.

„And Roy? I mean- General Mustang?” now that Ed was again in the man vicinity he couldn’t call him simply by his name. It was easier when Roy was this untouchable and unreachable figure. A ghost in his head he would never see again. 

But he never used anything else than his military title or surname when he was still part of the military. He needed to get used to that one more time.

„Roy was a great help too. He’s kind. Kinda funny.” She shrugged. Ed knew that for now, she would stay vague or unresponding. She sometimes would get like that and he understood so he just let her be. 

But once she felt like it Ana would start talking and it would take hours for her to stop. For now, he could just try to ask good questions and hope he will catch some information from in between the answers.

Their talk wasn’t long. Soon Ed’s meds kicked in and keeping the conversation going seemed like a useless act of rebellion. Ana was tired after the train travel and sitting a whole afternoon like on pins and needles, ready for everything to go wrong again, wasn't a great way to rest.

So the man scooted over and lifted his blanket for Ana to get under. She did so without hesitation and having her father's beating heart just beside her ear was the greatest joy. Normally it took her a long time to fall asleep, but that night she went out like a light. 

Ed felt a relief. 

"I'm sorry, sir. The visiting hours ended an hour ago. I'll have to ask you to leave."

"Huh? Oh, I see. I must have lost the track of time. I will gather my things and I'll go, thank you." said familiar voice and after some shuffling Ed could hear the nurse's shoes clicking away on the hospital floor. 

What was Roy doing here? He didn't come in with the rest of the team. Others exchanged some concerned glances and told him that General was just really busy at the time and had to go back to the office, which was an awful lie, as Hawkeye had stayed and hadn't even seemed rushed.

Ed was curious but didn't want to risk waking Ana up by shouting and he couldn't just sneak out; he was without the leg and all.

The only thing he could do was listening to some more shuffling, a yawn and then to receding steps. Something bitter coiled around his heart. Regret, most likely.

Somehow it felt like if they didn't talk now, then in the future they wouldn't be able to connect at all. It felt like some chance or opportunity just faded out and he had to just let it go. 

He glanced at the kid snoring away in the crook of his arm and decided. Ed pulled at the sheet to cover the two of them further and started settling for a long night.

Just as he was to close his eyes the streak of light appeared on the floor. The door opened a crack further and there he was.

Roy looked older than Ed remembered. Logically he knew that it was obvious, the last time he saw the man was years earlier. He himself was just a child then. But some part of him was shocked, almost paralyzed. 

Roy's hair was just as black, maybe a little longer. His posture wasn't that different either. Maybe his face showed more signs of aging, but he still was just as good looking. And he had an eyepatch on one of his eyes, Ed dully noted. 

But it wasn't exactly his looks, or his voice, that still sounded almost the same, that got Ed's attention. It was the panic in his eye as if he was a deer caught in headlights, confusion painted on his face. It was the slump of his shoulders that looked natural like it was there for a very long time already but Ed couldn't remember seeing Roy like that, ever. It was the look of defeat when he finally relaxed. 

_It doesn't suit him_ Ed thought absentmindedly. At the same time, he understood. He had seen this look a lot, while he was working on the other side of the Gate. Broken people without faith or hope, just waiting for anything to happen. Good or bad, it didn't matter. 

He saw the same look in a mirror many times. 

That's why he didn't even think before he beckoned the man closer. It was a little awkward with Ana on his arm but he managed. 

Roy sighed but walked over, careful not to make a sound, and stopped just a foot from the bed. 

"Will you sit?" Ed asked, not having to raise his voice anymore for man to hear.

"I shouldn't, I was just... checking up on you. I'm sorry to disturb. I thought you would be asleep already."

"It's okay." Only now, when Roy came closer Ed could see that the uncovered eye was gold. He did give it up, didn't he? Even though it was silly, he felt happy seeing it again. He was happy to know it was useful. After all: "You became a general. A step closer to your goal, isn't it?" Roy just nodded his head tightly. "Congratulations."

"Thank you. That means a lot." Roy said but it sounded washed up, bleak.

"I just-"  
"I mean-"

They both shut their mouths at the same moment. The tense atmosphere seemed to stay for a moment longer but then a giggle broke right through it. 

Ed didn't have the additional hand to cover his mouth so he turned his head into a pillow and tried to stifle the laugh. This situation wasn't even funny but he couldn't control it. Soon a quiet chuckle followed and he let himself steal a glance at Roy still standing some distance away. 

Seeing him laugh, even if he heard some hysteria in it, was a picture worth remembering. 

"Let me." Ed said after they both calmed stopped. Roy could just nod. He sat down in a chair and waited for Edward to speak. "Thank you for taking care of Ana." Roy wanted to protest, of course, he would, but Ed didn't let him. "No, I mean it. You may think it's nothing, but I know her and I know you helped her a great deal. So thank you. I'm grateful."

The man in front of him looked almost scared. 

"You grew up."

"Ten years is a long time, General." he said and paused. _It really is a long time._ For him, it certainly felt like much more. 

With some lightness in his soul, he noticed he's curious about how this time has passed for Roy, but the positive feeling came more from the ability to finally get an answer than curiosity at this point.

Ed was sure that the man was going to change the topic so it was surprising when instead Roy said: 

"Yes, it is. You know that one of these days you will have to tell someone what happened." it made Ed flinch. "I didn't mean it as if you owe someone that, no. Of course you don't. But I have been living with Anais for some time and I could see that wherever you two have been these couple of years, it couldn't be a good place. There are too many signs. And I know you know what I mean."

Ed could only nod because of course he did. 

"It doesn't have to be anyone you know if you aren't ready, I can reach out to some specialists. I'm sure everyone is curious but don't feel pressured. And-" he stuttered and cursed under his breath. "I'm sorry. Maybe that's not the right moment. I should have waited- It wasn't very proper of me, I don't have any right to-" and part of Ed kinda wanted to agree. 

But a different part of him was really tired and just wanted to get that over with. And there was a tiny part of him that was happy it was Roy who would hear it. And a part that wanted to kick him out of the room. And-

"Are _you_ curious?" what was came out of his mouth. 

For the first time during his visit, Roy looked him in the face. Wide-eyed, mouth slightly agape. 

It _was_ kinda funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end notes are warninings for this chapter, if anyone needs to look through them before reading because this chapter is once again a throw back to the past and Ed's past isn't a happy one. 
> 
> And some info: I may have to abandon my 'update every saturday' rule because of school, it takes a lot of my time. But I'll still try to update as regularly as I can.
> 
> I hope this chapter will clean some things up. Enjoy ^^

Living in Munich wasn't that bad at the beginning. It was rough, yeah, his alternative self was neck-deep in a debt and apparently died on some lung disease on the mattress in the corner of his small apartment. There were some rats in the cupboards and many times when Ed had to go get water at night he stepped on some cockroaches. 

It wasn't pleasant but he stayed in worse places on his journey in the Amestris. So he just pushed through. 

He was almost okay with that. Being sent through time and space to an alternative universe was the price he had to pay to get Alphonse's body back and he didn't regret it. Even when everything was falling apart, crashing and burning in the coming years, he could not bring himself to regret his decision.

Lack of alchemy made itself known from time to time. It made his stomach churn, palms of his hands' sweat and his head felt as if it was going to split in the middle. At the same time, every little thing he has done without it felt like an achievement. When he had to repair his chair, that fell apart, and did so successfully, he almost felt proud. With every passing day, it seemed to haunt him less.

Life was kinda hard back then but he wasn't called a prodigy in his homeworld to rot somewhere in the dark alley in this one. So he took on different jobs, had many employers over the course of the first year. It was familiar ground, almost like missions back home. Go there do something, go someplace else and talk to someone, help with this, help with that. So it wasn't a long time until he made a reputation for himself as a great help. After all, he was doing his best. 

It was tricky with German too, but he managed. After half a year he could make a conversation on some more laid back, everyday topics but Amestrian always stayed at the back of his throat. Sometimes this new language felt so clumsy. He missed being able to share his thoughts in Amestrian, he made more sense in his mother language.

It was also the language that held him back when it came to moving to a better neighborhood or working for wealthier people. They could be so critical. 

The only relief was that the guy didn't have a lot of friends or family members or at least they've never reached out to him. So no one really seemed to notice his abrupt problems with talking or memory. Only some really old granny who lived next door would sometimes check upon him. She would leave him candy under the doormat. 

For a year it was just waking up, working, going to sleep. Stay in Germany was something he deserved and something he agreed to do so whining was out of the question. Sheer stubbornness was something that pushed him to continue... whatever he was doing. After all, giving up wasn't really his style. And it helped to not think too much. 

So he worked hard and soon he found himself in high regard by some people. From various fields of work- government, science, grey office workers and eccentric artists. Most of the tasks weren't even that hard, he still couldn't believe how much people were ready to pay just to make him go to some shady place and collect rent or find some antic in one of many antique stores in the city. 

One lady even paid him for the delivery of a letter rejecting her fiance. The guy may have broken his nose but when the girl saw him she gave him a pair of her earrings as a bonus so that was nice. 

In the retrospect, he had to admit, he might have been a little too naive. In Amestris promises meant something. You didn't have to know the person like the back of your hand but if they seemed trustworthy enough you knew you could count on them. In Munich promises meant nothing. He could only wonder if the rest of the world was the same.

He never thought himself easy to fool but apparently, he had more luck when it came to people in his mother world.

Too many times Ed found himself without payment or with more bruises than the day before and he learned the hard way that even people who seem honorable can stab you in the back. 

But that wasn't a story Roy needed to hear at the moment.

At the end of the second year, Ed found himself in quite a nice house in a friendly neighborhood. It needed heavy renovation and he couldn't afford professionals. But maybe he could manage himself. He had time. He had all the time in the world.

He was also able to find some stabler job at the clinic in the slums. No doctor with diploma wanted to go there and help the poor and sick because of almost non-existent pay and large risk of catching a sickness but it was ideal for Ed. 

He could finally say goodbye to some of his most annoying little jobs and some of his most irritating employers. He didn't have to look on smiling faces of those assholes and trying to keep his own blank at the bullshit they were spouting anymore. 

He didn't do much at the clinic. Doctor Engel didn't want to risk his patients' lives by letting him operate on them so more than often than not he wasn't even allowed in the operating room. He knew basics and that was enough to diagnose common illnesses and give first aid if it was needed. 

Ed remembered it was a simple and easy life. Once he even thought 'Maybe I can get used to this'. But that only destroyed the careful balance he created in his mind and he had to take sick leave for one day. He didn't want to but the moment he walked through the threshold doctor Engel glanced at him once, gave him some sleeping drops and sent him back home. 

Changing his environment worked wonders. For the first time in a long, long time, he could breathe out with relief. The house became his own space where he could work, study, research. And research he did. 

With his savings, he still had to work hard but he earned himself a right to have breaks from time to time. Every Saturday he spent in the public library going through books, familiarizing himself with the history and language. It truly was amazing. Amestris was a newly created country, it didn't have enough years on its back to have a meaningful history. Besides the war of course. 

So when Ed was bombarded with event after event, king after king and so much modernization and development throughout centuries he was mesmerized. 

Even Roy, who probably studied the history of the neighbor to Amestris countries, seemed very interested in the topic. Ed promised him that he would tell him more later and his eyes gleamed even in the dark. But once he thought over his next words, and the shadow fell over his face, Roy already knew that whatever came next couldn't be happy. 

"And then the war came." Ed said, so quietly it took Roy a moment to even register the words. 

Ed was never really into politics. There were so many different and more important things on his to-do-list and everyone else in the country seemed content enough with how the government was working so he never thought to check. That world didn't have alchemy so it couldn't have a homunculus for a Fuhrer and that was enough for Ed. 

Oh, how foolish he felt later. 

At this point in the story, Ed felt an awful need to look away from Roy. To look anywhere just not at him. Not at his hands and certainly not at his face. 

But he had to. If his eyes just flickered somewhere to the wall or the floor Roy would know everything. He would read him like an open book, and that was something Ed couldn't risk; there were too many things to hide. If he did tell, not only himself but Roy would be hurt too. 

The last thing he wanted was to let Roy's memories of war resurface. Unfortunately, The War was where most things happened. He couldn't simply go around it because he knew very well, that it would come back to haunt him soon enough. 

How to tell someone about something like that without showing them how frightened you are and how much hurt and suffering it recalls? _School your face into the mask and don't shy away from them_, was the answer Ed found.

So he looked at Roy, who was slowly paling, and tried to summarise 6 long years that felt as if all around him suddenly fallen apart and shattered at his feet like glass. 

"Were you enlisted?" was the first thing the man asked.

"Well, I'm invalid, you see." he moved his shoulder to show a stump and hissed when the sudden muscle pain hit him. Roy jumped out of the seat and was hovering slightly, not daring to get close, not daring to touch, but wanting to do something either way. It went down to manageable and Ed relaxed again into the pillow. Ana still slept soundly. 

"I didn't fight, no." he sighed. Sometimes he wished he did. "But I... worked as a doctor in a couple of clinics and hospitals." ..._and on the front. Just a few times._ but he couldn't tell him that.

"You just said you weren't any good at that."

"Oh, I learned fast." Ed chuckled, just to easy the atmosphere in the room. He learned fast, but at what cost. 

Good and competent doctors were sent to serve the cause where they were most needed. Apprentices and no-goods were sent to some third-rate category hospitals or prisons where making a patient stay alive wasn't exactly the main goal. He tried, every time he tried to make it better, no matter who came looking for help. 

But when they pushed him into an operating room with merely a white coat, gloves, and some tools on the table, he was set up to fail from the very beginning. 

"At least I didn't fight." he repeated and he could see the moment when Roy's shoulders slumped with relief. With how close they were he would be able to clumsily reach out his hand, not noticeable enough to wake Ana up, and catch the other man's one, the one on his knee. Maybe he would be able to transfer some of that relief onto himself. 

Even now, at night, in the hospital room, with soldiers stationed just down the hall, he couldn't let himself feel at ease. He had hoped that coming home, seeing his favorite people, and being taken care of would silence his fears and paranoia, but it stayed the same, if not became worse. 

But he could hide it. He did a good enough job in front of the kids in Munich. He could do it once more.

"I knew Ana's parents before they died." he said and it wasn't a truth yet it wasn't a lie either. He had met them once and they talked for about fifteen minutes.

He could still remember this family. With father shielding his wife and daughter from him. Ana as a little bundle in her mother's arms, tucked away safely as if the woman tried to hide her away from the world, melt her into her chest. 

The man snarled at him with such a fury that it made Ed shrunk away in shame, and his escort to point their guns at the three. Only after many arguments and finally an order he managed to get them to put weapons down and leave him alone with the family. There wasn't any threat of danger, with the pair locked in the prison cell, behind heavy bars. 

They looked him right in the eyes. No matter how hard he searched he couldn't find a trace of fear in them, just determination and some desperation. 

He wanted to be alone with them- what for? He didn't have any power to help them get out of this situation. He was alone in the room but that didn't mean there weren't any eyes and ears spying on him. He couldn't lead them out, he couldn't fake their deaths. He was useless. 

The woman must've seen something on his face because her eyes widened and hands gripped child even harder. She opened her mouth two times before she spoke. 

"Our sentence was already decided?" her voice was choked and quiet. 

"Yes. I'm sorry." was the only thing Ed was able to say. What else could he do? Lie and then watch their surprise as they're led in front of the firing squad? He risked a glance at the pair and with a shock, he noticed the grim acceptance already made its way on their faces. 

Part of him wanted to scream at them not to give up. There must've been some other way! He miracled his way through his whole youth, he could manage something in a situation like this.

_Old habits die hard_ he mused in his mind. There weren't any chains on his wrists but he could feel them all the same. His hands were tied. 

He could see how man's anger slowly gave way to calmness when he looked back at his wife. The two of them led a silent conversation with their gazes, that only they could hear, so Ed looked away to give them some privacy. 

"And our daughter?" finally the man asked.

"She's not even old enough to go to school. She shouldn't pay for our mistakes." The girl's mother caressed her hair and hunched her shoulders to envelop the child even more. 

"I don't-" 

"Can you do something? Anything?"

"I'm not sure-"

"Then go and leave us." the man hissed. "Why did you even came here? To torture us more? Is that funny to you?" before Ed could even react the pain exploded in his nose, his head whipped to the side and he could smell the blood. 

He didn't expect the hit, so he fell heavily on the cement wall and held his hand to his face. It didn't hurt that much, he had worse, so he just started wiping it. He focused on the red smears on the material of his gloves. 

Just a moment later soldiers barreled through the door, opened the cell and violently pulled the family out of there and in the corridor. 

"Dr. Elric, are you alright?" the commander asked. Ed could just look up at him. How could this man have such a gentle expression on his face when just a second ago he pulled a woman up by her hair and pushed her into a swarm of soldiers. 

That was just too much for Ed at the moment so he just shook his head and slumped a little more. The man tried to help him up but he just waved his hand at him.

"Just give me a moment, sir. I'm alright. Are they being relocated?"

"Huh? Well, no. The sentence is going to be carried out faster so-" but Ed didn't hear more because he was already in the corridor, going after them. He couldn't exactly run, with his leg, but he tried to be fast and get there before it was over. 

Some little spark in his soul produced a bigger fire, one like he felt only when he was still a child, running around the city and wreaking havoc using alchemy. He spent in this facility only a couple of months but it already felt as if it was sucking his soul and humanity out. 

Trusting this flame of determination, the first one he felt this strongly in years he turned left to the officer's quarters. He couldn't just let it end like that.

Ed threw the door open and made one of the officials spill coffee on some papers. 

"Dr. Elric! What a surprise." the man grunted trying to rescue single pages from the puddle. 

"Yes, indeed." the second one squinted his eyes at Ed with suspicion.

"General Gahlen, General Sanders." he saluted and waited for them to permit him to ease. Just because he irritated them, they waited a bit more, he could see it on their faces. 

"At ease."

"I came to ask about the execution of the Weide family," he said, a little too fast. Generals raised their brows but waited for him to continue. "I just have to ask. Why are we," the _we_ made him want to cringe but he couldn't. "Giving up such minds? I'd read their documents. We could use someone like that working for us, I'm sure."

"Dr. Elric, we have already talked about this, haven't we?" general Sanders said in a clipped voice. He never liked Edward. 

"They have already declined." added general Gehlen.

"Well, yes, but-" _you can make them do it_ he almost said, but he stopped himself. Would that be better? Would slavery under the flag of the enemy be any better? Would that be mercy or would he be the one to deal the finishing blow? 

Generals waited patiently for him to finish, but finally, general Sanders had enough and was the first to break the silence with a huff.

"Is that all?"

"No. I-" if they lived then that meant they could raise their child together. See her grow up and learn new things, and when the war ended she would have a future waiting for her. He himself and her parents would be judged for their crimes. Maybe a verdict of a court will leave her be.

If his own damnation would mean Al's salvation, he would do it. He did. 

"I think that-" he tried to start again but general Sanders hit the desk with his palm silencing him. The glare he threw at him was even more dangerous than the one Olivia Amstrong used. He knew she wouldn't really leave him to starve in the forest of Briggs. 

This man could shot him right there right now, and he wouldn't even flinch. 

"Listen, Elric. You are on thin ice. One more word and I swear..."

"There's no need to raise your voice." said the other man, already with a new cup of coffee. "Dr. Elric. The case went through the judge and the sentence is to be carried out. That is all. If you excuse us, we have a meeting." General Gehlen started to pack his suitcase and patted Sanders on an arm to get him to stop glaring at Ed.

"The child then!" 

"Child?"

"Yes! I mean, yes. Can I take the girl?" Ed asked and hoped the desperation in his voice wasn't very apparent. 

"Why?" 

"She knows nothing. Merely a kid. But she must've gotten her parents' genes. General Gehlen, don't you always say how the youth is our future? I can raise her proper way." that 'speech' was a little rushed and unpolished but he couldn't manage anything better. His heart was beating so fast he was curious if other men could hear it. 

"I mean... is it a bad idea?" Gehlen turned to his friend who just cringed and looked away. "Dr. Elric, I can see that you mean it. Go ahead, she wasn't in the judge's verdict either way. Just be aware that we will check on you from time to time. I hope you understand. Be quick though, it should start soon." and the two of them were off.

Ed didn't know where they'd gone. Couldn't even think about a subtle thread woven into general's words as he sped up his way through the facility.

He found them at least, in one of the last rooms, the one the most to the north. Guards held back Mr. Weide, the captain was reading the verdict. Mrs. Weide was sitting in the corner of the room, silent tears streaming down her face as she caressed her daughter's head. 

Ed was a little concerned about the girl’s state. Why wouldn’t she wake up? Why wouldn’t she move?

He almost banged the door against the wall but restrained himself. All the faces turned his way.

„Dr. Elric? What are you doing here?” asked the captain. Mr. Weide glared at him, but couldn’t do much with a gun to his head.

„I’m here with orders from general Gehlen. I’m to take the child away.” Ed said with as much boredom in his voice as he managed. He wanted them to remember him as someone who didn't care. Caring cost too much.

That got their attention. Soldiers didn’t exactly look surprised, annoyed maybe. One of the youngest cadets sighed with a relief which in turn made everyone else look at him with anger. Ed saw how the boy tried to make himself smaller and smaller as if he wanted to mold into the wall behind his back. 

If only that was so easy. 

The captain shrugged and reacher for a kid but mother violently jumped back and only one of the soldier's steel grip on her forearm stopped her from falling. She bit her lip down not to scream. 

Ed could only walk closer with a quiet curse and tug him away while righting the woman up. 

„Just... let me handle this.” He waved his hand at them with a frown and they walked back with some complaints and groans about wasting their time but Ed didn’t even want to pay attention. 

The woman looked him in the eyes. Her husband was yanked away by the soldiers who didn’t think it’s a great idea to leave him without restraint, but he didn't fight much. Everyone could see he trusted her. 

She wasn’t afraid. Or maybe she was, but Ed just couldn’t see it. 

And that was the case because a heart in Catherine’s chest seemingly beat faster than on her first harvest festival when her mother finally let her go to have some fun with friends. Faster than when Arthur asked her for her hand in marriage and then during his talk with her father. Faster than the day she discovered her pregnancy and then after awful, awful 9 months when she held her baby to her chest for the first time. 

At the thought of dying alongside her love and child only after so few years of a happy life, it ached and cried out. 

But now there was a chance. A tiny chance of a better ending to this story.

So she stood up straighter and looked that man in the eyes. 

Was she looking in the mirror? If she laid a hand on his chest, would she feel his heart hammering out of his ribcage? Probably. 

„Can you take her away?” she asked. 

„Only her.” Ed nodded. He knew she wasn’t thinking about herself nor her husband. 

„What life will she lead?” 

„I don’t know.” Was the only thing that got past his lips. He didn’t say ‘a great one’ or ‘I’ll make sure to raise her well’ because wasn’t he just a child himself? He certainly felt like one. That one child forever stuck in time, never changing, never learning. He always was a brat and that wasn’t going to change any time soon. 

Look at him, serving people who he so despised because of fear and panic. Surviving by sacrificing others. Hiding and cowardly dodging anything that was thrown at him. 

But that ‘I don’t know’ was the first sincere thing he said to anyone in a long time. 

"But I'll try hard to make it a good life. I really will."

Catherine’s eyes softened. Her hands loosened up around the form of a child and only then Ed saw that the girl wasn’t asleep. Her eyes were closed shut, but wrinkles around them weren't natural. Her little fists gripped her mother's shirt, tighter and tighter. Catherine had to use a little force to rip them away. Gently, finger by finger. 

Her husband gasped with disbelief but one glare from his wife made him close his mouth. 

Finally, Catherine handed the child to Ed. The girl started to cry immediately and wildly trash in his hold. It was hard to keep her from slipping but he managed. Her mother tried to shush her too but she calmed down only after blood has fallen on her face. 

Just a couple of drops. She looked up and saw a man with a golden eye and hair that looked a little like a halo, mostly because of sacrificial light shining from the ceiling behind him. Her mother showed her shimmering rings of blessing above the heads of saints in one of her picture books.

But when she looked a the man she didn't feel blessed or saved. Anais Weide felt only hatred.

Her fingers were sticky because she scratched his cheek, tearing at the skin and making him bleed but the satisfaction pooling in her stomach was quickly extinguished when she saw her mother's horrified face.

"I swear she'll be good. She won't cause trouble, I-" the woman tried to apologize, for what, Anais didn't know. She resumed her fighting once again.

The man in the white coat just held her a little tighter, blocking her hands. 

"It's... understandable. Please, don't worry. I promise I'll keep her away from harm." Ed said, quietly. He wanted to assure woman some other way, empty words meant nothing, but there wasn't enough time.

Catherine couldn't say she trusted this man, but she didn't have any other choice. _If Ana lived, good things in life would eventually find her_, that was the hope her mother desperately clung to when she took one step away, then the second one.

Soldier figured it's the end of that whole scene so they stepped closer also, along with Mr. Weide. Somewhat, he looked calmer. 

"Let's get this over with." sighed some soldier and pulled the woman even further away.

Anais, tired from all the trashing and crying from before could only limply hang in the arms of a stranger and look as her parents were lead away. 

"Anais," her father called. "Be brave, okay? It will be fine. Just be brave."

"Grow up to be an amazing person. Good and kind." what was her mother said, turning just slightly to show a small smile on her face. "We're already very proud of you."

Ana choked on the sob and let the tears fall once again. She was a small child, but she knew what goodbyes mean. 

"Don't go! I'll be good! Please, don't go! I love you!" she wept, but she didn't get to hear the answer as the door was slammed shut. Just faint voices carried over, but they spoke of reassurance and love, as far as Ed could understand. 

He didn't want to let the child hear the shots that were going to be fired, just in a minute, so he quickly left the room and tried to get away as fast as possible.

The girl wasn't responding to anything. She would burst into tears and then stop abruptly, just to do it again in a couple of minutes. She almost bit a nurse that tried to help Ed with tending to some minor injuries on her legs. 

When Ed's shift ended, just two hours later, he lifted her onto his hip and tried to get her hair out of her face, but she just swatted his hand away.

The drive home was very silent that night.

"So, yeah. Ana's parents were really amazing people. I regret I couldn't meet them on a different occasion." Ed said looking down at the child in a crook of his arm. His hand nervously twisted a sheet in between his fingers. Roy didn't exactly ask about the occasion of their actual meeting, but he did ask:

"What happened to them?"

"They were... murdered. Ana was put in my care because of the decision of the government. They would probably take care of her better but... well."

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to- I should have guessed." Roy shifted uncomfortably in the chair and Ed felt slightly guilty. He really didn't want to spill _all_ of his guts to Roy. The man had enough problems already, why should he listen to the whining of some long lost acquaintance. "I do not know if my words will bring any comfort to you, but I have lived with Ana long enough to see that you did your best to raise her well. Taking care of a child while there is a war going on, and as a single parent, is... I won't lie, I cannot imagine. But it must have been very hard, both on you and on her. So I think you did a great job."

Ed could just stare with a surprise painted on his face, and after a moment he felt a blush rising to his face. _I must look ridiculous_.

"Thanks." he said and made himself relax into the pillow. Oh well, he'll think it's a fever or something. Nurses warned everyone about it.

Roy nodded.

They talked some more. About Ed's everyday life, some silly incidents with Ana. Ed tried to describe the war without actually describing it, so Roy changed the topic.

Soon comfortable silence enveloped them. Ed let himself steal a glance at Roy after a couple of minutes, and found him looking away. Far away, where Ed wouldn't probably be able to see.

Unfortunately, judging by the look on Roy's face he must have noticed the clock on the wall, and how late it got during their talk. It wasn't much, some vague information, some scraps of a true story. It couldn't be all of it, of course not. Both of them knew it wasn't. 

A story about a young man becoming a respectable doctor in some clinic downtown and adopting a child seemed almost too polished and thought through.

But it wasn't Roy's role to call him out on it or lecture him about lying. He didn't lie, just bent the truth, either way so... Actually, just hearing some information, anything, was a reason to feel honored, so Roy quieted down his concerns and patted a mattress just a small distance away from Ed's hand.

"I think it's time for me to go. If I don't want to be completely banned."

"Huh? Oh. Sorry I didn't finish the story." Ed answered after a pause. It seemed like he got lost in his head for a moment. Roy just shook his head with amusement.

"We have a lot of time to continue it some other day." he blurted out and regretted it the very same second. What was he thinking? That was probably just some moment of weakness. If Al stayed Ed wouldn't even look in his direction. Roy himself wouldn't probably stay that long at all. 

For two hours he tried to will himself to open the door and even just catch a glimpse of Edward, maybe exchange some polite small talk. He couldn't do it. The only thing that finally pushed him to it, was a thought that Edward's probably deep asleep. 

Roy planned to just look at him from the threshold for a minute, just to confirm he's back, see if he or Ana need anything, and go back home. 

How stupid he felt, blurting out hope for a next meeting.

"Sure, I'd like that. You were busy today, or so the team told me, but if you manage to catch a break I don't mind talking some more." was what Ed said and it completely caught Roy by surprise. The man in bed tried to stretch as best as he could, without moving Ana, and finally sank in a pillow with a content sigh. Two mismatch eyes caught Roy's gaze and squinted a little because of a soft smile that appeared on his face. "But next time it's your turn to talk. I need some payment, y'know?"

It made Roy blink a couple of times.

"Certainly. Goodnight then. Rest well."

"Yeah, yeah. Night."

Roy navigated through rows of cars, to get to his own. There was some lightness in his step, making him go faster than normal, and some lightness in his heart. 

It wasn't much. But at the same time, he felt so blessed. 

The whole drive home he couldn't get the image of Edward, with his golden hair scattered behind him on a pillow, out of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for:  
-violence and brutality   
-death (they're all off screen)  
If I need to add anything please, tell me.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creepy dreams continue. Warning for a lot of eyes ;u;

The rest got the same story the next day. Ed had led a life in an alternative universe, with vast land and history, which was completely different than theirs. Some people had the same faces, but Ed never got close to any of them. 

He hadn't said it out loud, but he tried to avoid every one of them like a plague. Sometimes he saw a familiar face on a sidewalk walking in his direction. Jumping into the traffic just to cross to the other side of the street wasn't a great idea. 

He would do some odd jobs, then became a doctor. Talking about how the war was going on around the same time wasn't easy but everyone seemed very understanding and tried to comfort him somewhat, even though he tried really hard not to show anything on his face. 

It was fine. It was _fine_. He was home. But even so, even though he had never tried to kid himself into thinking everything would come back to the state before the Promised Day, some disappointed managed to seep into his heart. 

Because the past would never come back. And frankly, he didn't have the energy to start everything over again. How many times would he have to do that? To start over and over. Build a life for himself once more, get a formal education, find a job, find a house or apartment, find some contacts, get Ana to school, get all the documents ready.

He had to heal first, of course. But with all the responsibility waiting for him after that, he kinda wanted to stay in the hospital for just a week more. Unfortunately, life already thaught him that whatever he wanted would not happen, so at the end of the third week with the date of discharge just around the corner, he started to get antsy.

What was he going to do? He couldn't live with Al, he couldn't go back to Risembool. The first option was out of the question because of the same reason why Alphonse couldn't take Ana in. 

The second was not happening because doctors said his health had deteriorated over the last months, he himself blamed years before that, and he had to be close to the hospital at all times in case anything happened and he needed fast medical care. 

During his stay in the hospital, there weren't any incidents so he wasn't sure what to expect, but the doctors seemed determined to keep him in the Central city. But someday, he'll go back to the fresh air and fields, and he'll even go to the sheep festival, the most boring festival on Earth.

He'll visit his mom and apologize for all the times he had been a complete brat and a jerk, and a nightmare to take care of. He already loved her as much as he was able, but once he has gone through raising a kid all on his own, it felt as if his love multiplied tenfold.

He was just a little salty that Al took Ana there before him, but at the same time seeing her interact with everyone with comfortable politeness, knowing she's already assimilated with their family, was a great feeling. It made his anxiety calm down a notch. One less problem to worry about. 

So, someday he'll go back there, but for now, staying in Central City was necessary. 

He couldn't stay with Al, but couldn't stay at Hughes' too. They have already done so much for him in his youth, and for Ana in the past months. How could he burden them more?

When they visited him for the first time since he had woken up he felt such a relief and so much joy. Seeing Mr. Hughes up and about was so freeing too, after all, the guilt of getting him hurt and into the coma after Lust's attack was something that haunted Ed in nightmares. Apparently, he'd woken up just a month after the Promised Day. 

Both he and Gracia didn't change that much. Still as lovely as they always were. Elicia grew up. Ed almost didn't recognize her, only after she had jumped on his bed with a delighted squeal, he matched this girl with a baby he had known. 

He had dully noted that she and Ana had matching haircuts, and only teased the girl about it later, when they were getting ready to go to sleep. 

He adored that family, so he couldn't do that to them. He couldn't expect them to take him and his kid in just like that. He didn't have any money to pay them back, and for a time being, he was incapable of even doing housework. 

When he had declined their first proposition to move in the two of them just exchanged worried glances. Then asked again. And again. And again. He knew it was out of concern but he couldn’t stop mild irritation getting to him. 

But he acted polite and nice. Bullshitting his way out with some stupid excuses. He knew he was being stubborn, but he'd believed he can make it work. Somewhat, somehow.

But time was flying fast and he found himself with a bigger and bigger dilemma hanging over his head. Oh, what to do...

It was one of the days that Roy visited that Ed was clearly worried about it, couldn’t even hide it that well. Every nurse and doctor were constantly asking _Is everything alright? Are you in pain?_

No, it was just his own nerves trying to eat him away. 

So it wasn’t surprising when Roy had walked into the room and the first thing he said was:

„You look awful today.”

„I know, thank you.” He responded with as much grace as he could muster. Roy just quirked one of his eyebrows and sat down on his usual armchair by the bedside. 

„I got you coffee with caramel and muffins, this time without chocolate.” 

Ed had taken a cup and paper bag from him and peeked inside. 

„You almost got it. But... what’s that? Peanuts? Muffins with peanuts? Seriously?” Ed huffed after taking a bite. It was good.

„You could just, you know, tell me what are your favorite muffins? I am sure I’ve been to every bakery in the central.”

„Where’s the fun in that? Try again.” 

The two of them grinned at each other. After that Ed went back to eating. Okay, maybe peanuts weren’t so awful, sue him. Roy was sensible enough to not comment on that and let him finish while he himself gave a short report about how his day was. 

It was a nice routine they established these couple of weeks. After food Ed would continue on his history lessons, Roy would ask a lot of questions, they’d talk casually about some books they’ve been reading or some happenings around central command or hospital. 

Roy didn’t ask about a psychologist or the past, not even once, and Ed was grateful. Everyone else would shot him curious glances, asking without words. Only Roy, Riza and Al could manage without that. Maybe it was just Ed’s imagination. 

„Something is bothering you.” Roy said after some time. „You are all... fidgety.” 

„Ah...well...” _don’t tell, don’t tell_. ”I may be a little anxious.” _fuck_.

„I’m all ears if that’s what you need of me.” The man had leaned back in his chair and folded his hands in the lap. 

„It’s stupid. Don’t you maybe know someone who wants to rent a flat? But like, I will be able to pay only after a couple of months. Maybe two? Three? If I scrape some savings and find a job quickly. Oh, yeah I need to find a job.” At that moment he quietened down, almost forgetting the other man. So many thoughts were racing through his mind, one after the other. 

He wasn’t actually expecting a response. He just needed to get it out, whine to someone to lessen the tension he felt in his entire body. Roy would just nod or ‘mhm’ and the topic would change. 

„Oh? Why? Won’t you go back to Risembool?” he asked instead. His voice was funny, somehow. As if he tried to cover something up by playing uninterested.

But Ed let it slide. It wasn’t the first time after all. 

„Yeah, no. I need to be close to the hospital and all.” He sighed once again suddenly tired. 

„I’m sorry if it is too forward, but I live just a couple minutes from here. And I have some spare bedrooms.” 

Ed whipped his head in his direction, clearly surprised. He almost laughed at the ridicule of it but Roy was serious. He said as much out loud.

„Well, yes. It is a good idea. You don't have to pay me, I am just putting you up for some time. When you feel up to it you can move out. My house is big, so I won’t be in your way. Most of the days I’m holed in the office either way.”

„And yet you have time to come here.” Ed had huffed a laugh and continued to stare at the man next to him. It couldn't be this simple. To be honest, that would be ideal. 

Roy decided to ignore that last bit and said:

„Ana already lives there. Has her own room and all. That would be a lot less stress for her.” 

That immediately got Ed to soften his gaze and think about it seriously. How weird that was, how this girl wormed herself into his life and became a priority. 

Of course, just that argument didn’t make it any easier on him. He didn’t accept help from Mr. Hughes so why would he accept it from Roy.

But it _was_ different. They were never close but Ed trusted him. He knew Roy wasn’t bad, wouldn’t try to trick him into anything. Ed would owe him, but that wasn’t that bad. And the truth was that it was kinda his last choice. Ana would be happy too. 

She had opened up again and babbled about everything that happened. She liked Roy. She really did like him which came as a surprise to Ed. She never trusted people easily, and she almost never trusted men. But he was kind to her and listened to what she had to say and that was enough. It was more than anyone else but Ed did for Ana. 

It would be less stressful for her, but to be honest it would be less stressful for him too. 

It still took them a couple of days to figure things out. Ed tried to pull back after a day but Roy and his persuasion managed to convince him otherwise. 

Al seemed a little concerned about the whole situation, and awfully guilty that he couldn’t help. Hughes was weirdly cheerful so Ed wanted to keep an eye on him some more.

Ana reacted the most oddly. Her face had contorted into a funny expression that disappeared but came back after a moment. She started to massage her cheeks but couldn’t stop corners of her mouth to lift up. Ed just looked at her worried. 

„Are you okay? If you don’t want to live with Roy we don’t have to. I’ll figure out something else.”

„Huh? No! I’m uh, happy? I guess.” She stuttered, seemingly surprised herself. „It’s just... I like the house.”

„The house?” Ed asked teasingly. 

„ ...Roy’s nice too. He helped a lot. Y’know.” 

„I’m glad then.” He exhaled with relief. Ed didn’t want to show Ana that cautious and anxious part of him now but... she’s seen him at his lowest. No matter how cruel and irresponsible of him it was, she’s seen it all. It wasn’t said that he hadn’t tried to hide his problems, their problems, away from her. She just had a gift of seeing right through him. Besides, there were many days he hadn’t had the energy to act like a ‘normal person’ even in front of himself. 

But now they were fine, maybe some secrecy would be right for her. Just, normal and boring childhood she so deserved. Where your parent is just like _yeah, it’s totally cool!!_ even if everything is in shambles. He had met a lot of people doing just that. How hard could it be? Now, back in Amestris, in a safe haven. 

And so it was decided. Ed was very adamant that it’s only temporary, just for a couple of months. Everyone agreed that it’s a good idea, enough time for him to manage to get on his own feet.

But before that Al suggested that some things would be needed. With a list full of many, many things like new clothes, some furniture (but not a lot, a lot of pieces was already in the place at Roy’s house), some books, etc, he, Ana and Roy went shopping. Ed had been protesting for quite a long time, he didn’t want his brother to spend his savings on him but Al just laughed in his face and gone shopping either way. It was the least he could do for his big brother. 

Honestly, Al disappointed him many times, haven’t been there for him when he needed him the most. He almost resigned completely from his searches. That stung him in his heart the most. He knew, deep down, that he tried to resign far too soon. Far too easy. It was unforgivable. The least he could do was to be by his side now and buy him some clothes. 

But his brother’s taste has changed over the years. It was almost funny. So he and Roy took Ana with them for final decision making. With some regret, and then guilt for feeling it, he had thought about how unfair it is, that this little girl knew Ed better than him. Almost instantly he tried to extinguish this ugly, ugly feeling inside his chest. He did so successfully. 

Ana was an amazing girl. So full of love and compassion even though she wasn’t any good at showing it. But he knew, from the first time he saw her. Al promised himself he’ll take care of her, and will be her protector. She was his family now.

Feelings are human. No need to run from them, he just had to sit down and mull it over in his head again, once he’s alone. For now- shopping. 

General, or Roy, he insisted, was a little surprised, scared even, maybe, when the two of them came to his office asking for his time and help with choosing some things for Ed. But he agreed after some pushes from Ana. Al could already see that the girl wrapped him around her little finger, just like Elicia. 

_General Mustang is too soft-hearted for his own good,_ Al thought amused while sitting in the car with the other two. Oh well, it was going to be a lovely day. 

And it was. Shopping with Al and Roy was surprisingly fun. Ana never enjoyed it in Munich, too many people, too many noises, too many Dad’s ‘acquaintances’ trying to talk to him. 

Elicia has shown her the fun side of it, along with her friends but it still left some hollow feeling in her chest. Seeing everyone having fun, letting themselves to have fun. For her, that process was far too complicated and far too long to do it just like that. But she tried. 

Now with Roy and Al, it was almost comfortable. They were coddling her quite a bit, which made her irritated as well as grateful. That alone was enough to just make her confused. Feelings are complicated. 

She had let them be and was looking through some jackets and outer clothing. After all, it was still cold outside and Ed’s immune system was apparently in ruin. Ana wasn't surprised. If she tried to remember a time when Ed didn't have flu or runny nose, or when coughs just couldn't let him go to sleep, it would be too long ago to actually figure out when exactly. That's why she always had tissues on her. 

Truthfully, there weren't many things about Ed that surprised Ana.

She was humming an old lullaby while looking through coats, checking the material, pockets, price. She wasn't tight-fisted, but still, it had to have a reasonable price; some of the price tags made her take a double-take.

Then she heard a chuckle coming from behind her. Roy was just showing something to Al with an amused expression. _Interesting._

"What are you laughing at?" Ana asked coming closer. Al was hiding an item from her, standing just in front of it. Tore away from his laugh he moved and Ana could only stop in the place stunned.

On one of the hangars was a deep red coat. Roy was currently holding it by the corner of the material, but even without his help, it was standing out enough. She was shocked she had missed it. 

It was beautiful. _Not as flashy as his old one,_ Roy thought. But the fabric was really nice to touch, and he could tell it would be great to keep Ed safe from cold wind. It even had a big hood. Ideal to snuggle. Al and Roy exchanged grins, thinking it will be a perfect welcome back gift. Something to laugh together about, to joke about the past. 

But their happy moment was cut short by a whine coming out of the girl's mouth. She covered it with her hand, a little embarrassed, and was glancing between them with a conflicted expression. 

"Is something wrong?" Al asked immediately. 

"Umm... I mean..." she started, clearly not knowing what to say. "Just, dad won't like it."

"I suppose, it is a little more flashy than is proper, but Edward never thought much about it."

"He did mellow down a notch." Al proposed, looking a bit lost. Ana was always a little secret, always on the edge of 'say, not to say'. But it was a long time since she'd been so obviously avoiding telling the truth. Fidgeting with her hands, looking somewhere behind them. 

"He won't like it." she'd shook her head once with a resignation. Or frustration? Roy wasn't sure. "But I've seen one very much the same, just in light brown color. Over there. That would be great if you don't mind."

The merry atmosphere seemed to dissipate with that event and they returned home faster than they had anticipated.

Ed had to admit, fresh air was a blessing. He was sitting in a wheelchair, sure, but it still was something. Al was on one of his lectures so it was just Ed, Roy and Ana, going to Roy's house together. Ed almost begged to make it a walk instead of drive, just to get outside for longer than five minutes. His new coat and dark blue scarf were enough for this weather so after some coaxing Roy relented. With a disappointed sigh, but it was worth it. 

Ed was tired, barely slept the night before, too many calculations going through his mind in rapid speed, so he decided to just listen to the mindless chatter of Ana and Roy. Something about fashion? 

The smell of the rain and grass still lingered in the air making it even more pleasant. So much, in fact, Ed must've dozed off somewhere along the way because the next thing he knew he was dreaming. 

He knew instantly it's a dream. A voice deep, deep inside him was screaming at him to wake up, _wake up_, to run. But he couldn't be bothered. His mind was completely silent and calm, like a sea just before the storm. 

There was something uncomfortable in being hanged in the void. Complete emptiness around. It should feel like nothing, like an air, maybe there should be wind going in circles around him. But it felt as if he was pushed from every side, slowly. Soft cushions, black as a night blanket thrown over everything around. Squishing, suffocating. He couldn't take a breath and yet, he wasn't afraid. _Why?_, he wondered when yet another push sent him deeper into the emptiness. 

Rationally, he knew he should be scared. He knew that when he wakes up and remembers what happened it's going to send him spiraling somewhere where he wasn't ready to go. And yet, nothing. There was nothing. 

He couldn't even hear himself take shallow breaths. 

Something, a droplet, splattered on his cheek. At least it had felt like that, but then it started to sting as if someone cut his skin. Only then panic flowed through his veins, breathes coming out faster, heart beating almost out of his chest, bruising blooming on his ribs. He tried to reach his hand, to get this- this something- off of his face, but his hand didn't move. Nothing moved. 

Maybe his heart wasn't beating at all. 

Droplets marred his skin, one after another, and nothing was moving. It was silent, as void often is. 

And then he opened all of his eyes. 

"Fullmetal? Edward?" a warm hand was shaking him awake. Ed swatted at it lightly, grumbling something about better manners. "We're here already. Thought you will be interested."

Ed opened his eyes slowly, a quiet yawn escaping his lips. They were standing in front of a 2 building house painted in a really ugly yellow color. He almost wanted to judge but stopped himself. With white windows, it looked almost charming. The garden was in a deplorable condition though, with wilted bushes no one cared enough about to get rid off, with one or two dry trees, still without leaves and a fence that looked as if someone tried to run it over. A sorry sight, but it gave him an idea. 

"Ah. It looks cozy." he said, wheeling himself closer. 

"It is not in the best condition..." Roy started but didn't exactly know where to go with it. "Let's go inside, I show you your room."

He went ahead to open the door for them. In a minute he would come back to help Ed up the stairs on the porch. 

"What were you dreaming about?" Ana asked, pulling at his sleeve. 

"I..." Dreaming? Was he dreaming about something?

It wasn't that Ed was completely immobile, he could move around the house with his crutches. Winry already got him his temporary prosthetics so it was okay. A little painful at times, but okay. 

Going up the stairs was a bitch though, so he always tried to take with him everything he would be needing for a day, just not to have to go up again. But that turned out to be not entirely practical. After that one time he almost crashed down the stairs, trying to carry too much at the same time, he was prohibited from doing so and was scolded. By both Ana and Roy. 

Which just amused him to no end, how both of them loomed over him with their hands on their hips looking furious.

On that first day, Roy showed him all the rooms in the house and even made dinner himself. That surprised Ed but at the same time, it made warmth spill in his chest. It seeped into his bones, slowly, like a poison. After that Roy spent most of his time in office, just sometimes finishing early and coming home around 10 pm. As embarrassing as it was, Ed was already asleep at this hour. It wasn't hard to fall asleep as he feared, quite the opposite. It seemed as if sleep clung to him wherever he went. 

So for days, it went like this: quiet welcomes in the morning, both of them getting up almost with a sunrise, spending a couple of minutes in each other company. Then Ed read for the whole day, sometimes spent time catching up with old friends who called time and time again. Of course, he's gone back to homeschooling Ana too. 

Apparently, she was a very diligent student. Recap took them only a week because even when he was in a coma she was learning by herself and repeating what he taught her before. It made him so proud. She didn't have his eyes, or shape of a face, but it was he who installed this curiosity of a world in her. Thirst of knowledge. 

It could be dangerous, to be too curious, but Anais was a smart girl. Ed knew she would manage to do amazing things with her ambitions and intelligence if only given a chance. 

He knew they had to have a talk about why she hadn't gone to school when Hughes proposed that months before but that could wait, just a day more. 

Once the sun hid behind the horizon Ed was beginning to feel too tired to fight sleep and was normally dozing off on the couch when Roy came back home. The man always helped him to get back to his own room, but Ed wasn't coherent enough to remember. 

Another thing he couldn't seem to remember was his dreams. He was aware of them, both Ana and Roy, and even Al, had asked him about it, but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't bring any pictures up in his mind. Slowly it was starting to creep him out. Forgetting one's dreams was normal, but he always remembered his. There wasn't a single dream he just... couldn't seem to recall. It was weird and he didn't like it. 

But for the sake of keeping his cool and not worrying anyone, Ed kept quiet. Those were some dumb dreams. Probably because of his new meds. _The doctor said something about side effects, so it was probably that,_ he told himself. Still, it unnerved him.

When he wasn't thinking about it he felt restless and useless, sitting around doing nothing. He wasn't wallpaper or some pretty trinket, just to sit on some shelf. So one day when Roy was working and Ed had thrown Ana out of the house to have some fun with her friends, he started to clean. Nothing much, just wiped the dust from shelves and better-cataloged books on them. He washed the dishes and swept the floor, watered the lonely plant in the living room. 

It took him no longer than four hours, which was a good time in his condition, but once he had finished all of his muscles ached and pulled, and he kinda felt like his bones were vibrating. Exhausted he fell on the couch. It hurt, but it was a rewarding pain. He did something. That was enough to make his lips quirk in a small smile. 

Just when the sleep was going to take him away the telephone in the kitchen rang. With a groan, he'd sat up and with some help of his crouches, he managed to pick it up on time. 

"Hello. Edward Elric speaking." 

"Oh, hi Ed!" voice of Elicia sounded so cheerfully in his ear. "I'm calling to ask if Annie can stay the night at Tabitha's today. With me and all. There will be our friend, Jeremy, too. It will be so fun, so please say yes."

"Uh... I mean. Sure?" he stuttered. He wasn't used to this part of being a father at all. "Can you just tell me the address?" after the girl quickly gave him the street and number of the house he continued. "Is Ana anywhere there? Can you give her the phone?"

"About that..." she giggled. "Tabitha is putting makeup on her so she's unavailable now."

"Okay, I've no idea how you managed that but good luck. Just tell her to call me later." Elicia had chatted for a couple of minutes but ultimately she had to go to join her friends. "Have fun." he'd said as a goodbye and hung up. 

Ed could just look on the phone in amazement for a while. That was... confusing. It felt as if a heavyweight was lifted off of him, but at the same time, he was panicking slightly. Oh, so that was parenting, huh? Having to let go. 

Wonder and happiness and so much sadness flooded his system that he didn't even hear Roy coming back. What tore him away from the dark place his thoughts were straying to was the man's voice calling to him. A warm hand caught his arm.

"Are you alright? Did something happen?" questions were rushed and a little clumsy, somehow. Ed turned to the man and looked him in the eyes.

Ah. The two of them. Alone in the house.

Ed felt as if he should feel awkward. But after he'd calmed Roy down and the man started to brew his favourite tea, he thought: _Maybe it doesn't have to be so bad?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! And for your patience ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive, sorry for the wait!! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter ^^

"-and!" Ed had to take a moment to calm himself down from laugh. "And that was so dumb of him. Don't you think so?" Roy chuckled in response, and just that made Ed feel satisfaction. It was so good to hear that laugh. 

"That wasn't very smart, no." the man shook his head and took a sip from his cup. 

"So I was saying! But he never listened so... ugh. He-" Ed's breath hitched in his throat but Roy was graceful enough not to show he noticed. "He should be fine by now, but that was some pretty gory sight."

"I don't doubt that." Roy said, clearly amused. 

They've been talking for four hours already, but topics just wouldn't stop coming. There were moments of silence when both of them lost the previous one and couldn't find the next fast enough, but even those weren't that awkward. Just short breaks to take a breath. 

Both of them were actually surprised. How did that happen? Sure, they'd became acquaintances in the hospital, talking and playing some games and just spending time together, but it was different. Somehow. Ed couldn't figure it out at all. Even being a genius didn't help with having normal social interaction with other people. He'd heard enough of gossip about himself to be aware that he wouldn't be anyone's first choice when it came to friendship.

But his cheeks burned from how much he talked and laughed that night, and he found himself liking it. His hand would from time to time reach to 'adjust his bangs' but in reality, he just wanted to check if it's real. His skin was warm under his fingertips. 

And even if Roy was more used to people, not a lot of his talks and interactions were actually sincere. Just his relations with closest friends and family. It's been years since he had to build a relationship from the ground up. At times it felt like too much. He was too tired, too busy to make the effort. 

But he would come home after work, and his house wasn't empty and cold anymore, and Ed would sometimes start random conversations about nothing, and Ana was there wanting him to show her the next book she ought to read. And there were these quiet, warm days spend on the couch in the living room or library, talking and discussing and just being... 

He didn't know what possessed him on that day when he asked Edward to move in, but he was glad it did. 

There were still many secrets hidden behind this mask Ed constantly wore, but Roy was a patient man, and he could imagine what Edward was going through. If he could be of any help, that would be enough. But he didn't want to repeat that mistake of jumping out without any previous hinting, talk, with a psychologist because he saw how Ed closed off immediately. That was not the way to go about it. For now, Ed's friends had to do. Just being by his side, waiting for him to open up.

He didn't know if he belonged in that category, but with how Ed was looking at him from across the couch he let himself think, that maybe, it's possible.

"What are you thinking about?" a finger poked his forehead. Without him knowing Ed got a little closer. His face calm but a little concerned, as always when Roy was getting lost in his head. He already heard about his stay in the North and he wasn't happy about that. Still, he kind of understood. 

"Ah, nothing important."

"Uh-huh. Sure." Ed just nodded, his eyes not convinced, and backed off. 

"How is your leg?" Roy asked instead.

"Winry already started on it. Remember when she was here on Wednesday? Maybe no, you weren't home. Either way, we figured out the design so now I'm waiting. She had to go back to Rush Valley to get all the materials and work, y'know, in peace, 'without dumbasses peaking over her shoulder.'" he mimicked her scolding tone quite good, Roy noticed with amusement. 

"I'm glad then." he sighed and took a sip of his tea. It was one of Ana's favorites. She would probably have their heads for opening the new package without her but Roy decided it was worth it. The aroma was delicate but sweet. It made him feel cozy, but not droopy which was a plus. He didn't want to sleep yet, he discovered with mild surprise. Talking with Ed was... fun. Huh. It was weird, how even after weeks with Ed constantly running through his mind, and despite so much time they've spent together, he still felt surprised by such silly things. "Does it have flames all over?"

"Ha! Winry would never let me, no." Ed laughed quietly. He would never laugh like that when he was younger. It wasn't a boisterous, loud explosion of sound. Roy could just hear gentle wheezing of his breath. One more change, that happened without anyone knowing. "But I really like the way it turned out. Can't wait to see the final automail." 

They chatted some more, until the phone rung.

"I asked Ana to call, wait a minute." said Ed, almost jumping for his crutches.

"Should I-?"

"No, no. I can manage myself." he waved Roy's help away and stumbled to the kitchen, a little uncoordinated. Soon soft chatter filled the kitchen, and even if Roy wasn't able to hear all the words he knew nothing bad happened. Ed's tone was far too bright. He instantly relaxed. 

Was it weird? To appreciate this companionship? For the longest time, the only two people who he could talk to were Maes and Hawkeye, later his team. Who could have thought the next person would be Edward Elric himself?

There were so many unspoken words between them and both of them were aware of it. The topic of their eyes hung over them like a sword on a spider string, just waiting to fall on their head and destroy this peace they've built. So many times Roy tried to ask, gently, without prying, but Ed somehow became an expert in avoiding uncomfortable topics over the period of ten years so it was nearly impossible to get him to answer.

Roy was just so... _curious_. Confused also. It was just such a weird thing to do in that situation. To just- leave one world, knowing that everything would be useful in the other one, and just give away one of the most important things. Half of the sight. He wasn't angry, the feeling long ago left him alone, with regret and sadness to keep him company, but still-

It would be nice to know. It wasn't just about Ed in that particular aspect. 

Some clutter from the kitchen caught Roy's attention. 

"I'm alright!" Ed called out and swore under his breath. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." the answer was curt and it made Roy a little concerned. He wanted to get up and check up on him but Ed was already walking back into the living room balancing a plate on one of his hands. 

"How's Anais?"

"Apparently she got really into makeup and I don't know how to feel about it." the man sighed and sat in his previous place. On the plate was a couple of cookies. "Want some?"

"Are they from Anais's secret stash?"

"I wouldn't do that to her!" Ed hit him lightly on the arm. "And she would be so mad, you don't even know. No. But this lady from the next house visited." Roy instantly tensed, narrowing his eyes. What did she want? He had never seen any woman living in the next house. He wanted to voice his concerns but Ed just threw an unimpressed glance at him before he managed to open his mouth. "Yes, I was taught not to talk to strangers but come on. I'm an adult, I know what I'm doing."

"She could be some-"

"Some what? Roy, I swear, it was just an old lady, barely standing upright with her cane. I had to help her walk down the porch. Me!"

"It doesn't mean anything. It might have been a trick."

"A trick." Ed could just glare at him unconvinced. "Need I remind you I worked with people a lot. I think I can get past some unconvincing sham."

"You never know-"

"Give me a little recognition!"

"That was so irresponsible. What if-" Roy's mind was spiraling out of control. What if it was some spy from neighboring countries? What if it was someone from that 'Other world' trying to exact their revenge? What if-

"I'm not a child anymore, Roy!" Ed finally snapped. "Give me some benefit of the doubt! It's not like I dealt with shit like that on a daily basis!" Roy recoiled a little, surprised. "It's not like I was living in a country full of intelligence and- and counterintelligence and- My point is-" he hissed, glaring daggers. "I think I know what I'm talking about. Have some faith." 

"I-" Roy could just open and close his mouth a couple of times. He tried to find some words to help him fix this mess but none came.

"We're trying with this-" Ed made some gesture with his hand between them. "Friendship or whatever. So, I don't know. I counted on some trust?" 

"You sound responsible."

"You sound surprised." the man huffed and pushed the plate with cookies in his direction. "Have some to shut your mouth, maybe."

"Sometimes I think you've completely changed and then you say something like this." he took one cookie as a sign of peace treaty. "I am sorry for this... outburst. You're right. Still, be more cautious."

"Yes, yes." he rolled his eyes and reached for his cup. "Such a mother hen."

"Look who's talking."

He could only snigger before a pillow hit his face.

He was in a nightmare. Again. Nothing that Ed hadn't seen before and yet his heart instantly started to beat faster, trying to rip itself out of his chest. He waited. For anything to happen. Anything would be better than this complete darkness without an end. He became aware of the dream just a moment before and it already felt like he spent years cut away from the real world, closed off in this space. 

And then whispers started. 

Quiet voices, drilling holes in his ears, trying to get past all of the blockades he tried to set up. He couldn't understand a word. The language was chaotic, the intonation changed with every syllable. Not a word was repeated, ever, and he heard it almost every night. 

Every night? He couldn't recall. 

The longer Ed listened the more he felt he was missing something. Something very, very important. Something that he may pay dearly for later. 

He woke up standing before a mirror in his bathroom. Water was still coming from the shower behind him with a quiet hiss and water vapor in the air was settling on every surface.

Ed's flesh hand was tingling, touching the mirror. Before his face was alchemy array drawn on its surface, sharp and ugly and wrong and-

He stepped back with a violent gasp. 

Weeks went by, and the distance on the couch between Ed and Roy was getting smaller and smaller. There were not many times when they could just sit and talk idly, but every time they did one of them, without noticing, would lean toward the other or slide in the seat just a centimeter closer. 

It was comfortable. 

Edward's condition too was improving. Slowly but surely. Every occasion he could, he would do some housework, enjoying watering the plants in the garden the most. After some time he started to cook some simple meals, and Roy could just marvel at his unburned kitchen after the first attempt. He assumed Ed wouldn't know how to cook, and that was a mistake on his part. 

"You have a formula, you follow it. It's not so tight that you can't experiment a little but yeah. How is that different than science?" was the answer he got after asking some questions about it. A second later he'd been almost hit by a spoon. "Don't space out. How's the sauce?" Ed asked, the wooden spoon right in front of Roy's face. 

It was really good. 

"Alright, I give it to you. But tomorrow I'm making dinner." 

"Oh? It's friday and you still have that project to finish before the weekend. I was sure you'll be in the office till the morning." Ed eyed him curiously, lowering the temperature. 

"I managed to finish it earlier so Riza let me take some time off. Just this once, she said." he sighed with content, stretching his back on the back of the chair. 

The two of them talked in the kitchen with hushed voices, knowing Ana was already asleep upstairs. Roy took a spot by the kitchen island and Ed was walking around the kitchen, warming a spaghetti for him. Lately, he could stay up a little later, no longer feeling that constant tiredness wearing on him. At least, that was what he said when asked. Roy couldn't help but notice some shadows under his eyes. They were getting darker again.

"That's great." Ed said, voice a little absent-minded.

"Is that the only reaction I will get?" he asked amused. That made Edward blink and then roll his eyes at him. He shook his head a little too, as if getting something out of his mind. As that was Roy's goal he could only congratulate himself.

"Should I congratulate you? Throw myself at you with glee?" Ed snickered. "Here. Food." 

"Thank you." 

"No problem. I'm bored out of my mind here either way so..." he trailed off. " At least I can waste food in your fridge without guilt."

The meal was so good, Ed's words barely registered in Roy's mind. But at the last second, it clicked.

"Are you really this bored? I shouldn't be surprised."

"And yet here we are." Ed sighed and leaned his elbows on the counter.

Roy tried to come up with something, but he was sure Edward had thought of every circumstance and rejected them for a reason. Still, he knew the man was waiting for his opinion. His eyes did not stray from him even for a moment.

"What about giving private lessons? You're already teaching Ana, you could help some of her friends with harder topics or homework. Earning money is a nice bonus." he said, focusing his eyes on the plate. It was just an off-hand idea so nobody could blame him for flinching when Ed caught his hands with his own and got closer.

"That's actually brilliant! How did I not think of that?" he laughed softly, tilting his head. Roy's chest tightened. "If you're free tomorrow want to help me make some fliers?"

How could he ever decline?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, as always!!
> 
> Special thanks to people who left kudos on this collection even after seeing I didn't update in hmmm 3 months? You reminded me to work on it :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even have an excuse,,

Nobody said that the road to recovery would be easy. Ed knew, rationally, that he wouldn't improve just like that only because he was back in Amestris. Still, he had managed to run from his anxiety and fear and guilt for far longer than he anticipated. 

And then he woke up one day, feeling such intense pain in his chest he almost screamed for help. Almost. There was no need to inconvenience anyone. 

Even in Munich, he would sometimes wake with pains and aches all over his body. There was no reason for them, they just- were. Uncomfortable and always there, but not really harmful. At least he believed they weren't. 

After arguing with himself for a little while, he came to the conclusion that falling asleep once again was the most logical choice. He closed his eyes just as the door to his room opened.

"Ed? Are you asleep?" a small voice asked from the doorway behind his back. He didn't flinch, even though his body wanted him to. Thoughts in his head became chaotic and unorganized. Half wanted to sit up, to call Ana closer and ask what was wrong, and the other wanted nothing else but shut the door in her face. A wave of guilt washed over him.

Some shuffling of feet was heard from that direction and the voice spoke up once again. "Alright. Sleep well." She closed the door with a quiet click. 

Ed stayed silent and unmoving for a whole day. 

"Mmm. It's alright. He gets like that sometimes," Ana said, sitting in front of Roy at the dinner table. The man glanced on the staircase with some hope, but Ed didn't walk down. Not that day, nor the next one. 

There was an array in his journal. Ed had wanted to look through it to see how he managed to keep things under control in the past. It helped him many times before. He just wanted to stop feeling so- Actually, he wanted to feel anything at this point. Apathy clouded all else. 

But there it was. An uneven circle with symbols around and inside it. Characters just messily thrown all over the page, without any rhyme or reason. When Ed scratched the surface of it with his nail, small flecks of the array came down on his bedsheet. The stale smell of blood made him gag. He threw the book away with repulsion and it hit the wall with a loud thud. 

And with even louder noise it came down to the floor. 

"Edward?" an alarmed call made him stumble out of the bed and lock the door. Just in time because someone just a second later tried to open it. "Edward?"

"I'm changing!" he answered, trying to gather all the pages of the ruined notebook from the ground. It just _had_ to explode all over the place.

His hands shook. 

"Are you alright?" Roy asked, his voice flat trying to conceal concern. 

"I'm- I'm good. Just one of the books fell from the shelf. I must've hit it with an elbow or something." A couple of the pages basically crumbled in his hands. _What a shitty paper._

"...take your time. I'll leave the tea next to the door. If you want it." 

"Oh." That was... nice. "Uh, thanks. Thank you. I'll take it in a moment."

Only when the sound of the steps descended down the stairs Ed opened the door a crack and snatched the mug with some fruity tea. Steam still lingered above it and it smelled almost divine. Better than the blood, at least. 

The cursed array shimmered lightly on the floor near the notebook. Soon it dimmed and turned into a small pile of ash, and the only thing Ed could do was to gather it all and throw out of the window. 

"Okay. Let's try to solve it some other way." Roy sighed a millionth time that day. Ed was sitting at the dinner table with Elicia and some other friend of hers, Rudy or something similar, helping them with their math homework. But the kid just couldn't do basic equations! 

And yet, Ed seemed as calm as ever. His face relaxed, a smile playing on his lips even when he had to explain the same thing for the fifth time. How he managed to do it in five different ways was beyond Roy. 

"Gh! I can't! It doesn't make sense!" Rudolf would whine time and time again, and then, after a couple of minutes, Ed gave up. 

"It's time for a break. We'll come back to that in ten minutes, okay?" the boy nodded his head, very eager to do anything other than math exercises. Elicia started to tease him quietly, so Ed took it as his cue to leave. 

"How is it going?" Roy asked him the moment he circled the island and sat on the counter next to him. Ed was so close Roy couldn't do anything else with his elbow, but rest it on his tight. 

"Don't even start. Elicia is great, not that I'm favorizing her-" Roy nodded his head seriously. "-but Robert- he has potential. He really does, but he gives up at the first sign of trouble. I need to find some motivation for him. Do you think that if I give him candy for every correctly solved problem it'll do?"

"He's fourteen."

So maybe Ed didn't think it through enough. Sometimes differentiating between children's ages was hard. It was a game of 'are they two or should I already treat them like an adult' and for Ed it almost always felt as if anyone under the age of 15 was a newborn. He couldn't exactly look back at his own childhood and figure it out too. It had ended just as it started.

"Right," he sighed. 

When he was busy wallowing in his own thoughts, trying to find some kind of push for the kid, Roy sensed one other presence at the door. He poked Ed under his ribs and the man hissed at him, swatting his hand away. 

"What?" Roy just nodded his head towards Ana who was hiding behind the door frame. "Ah. I'll..." Ed glanced at the pair talking quietly at the table. "I'll talk to her."

She turned red when she noticed them staring and darted upstairs.

It happened more often now. Sometimes he would just talk to someone, or he was cleaning the floor or cooking dinner, and then red would just- flash- over his eyes. Red, or white, or completely black. It was inconsistent.

For a couple of first times, he would startle, spooking people near him. He could easily play it off as nothing more than a jolt of cold or a shiver. Or pretend he just sneezed. But it was getting to him, concern growing with every day. Was he sick? Of course he was, but was it more than what he'd assumed? _Before_, he had been so stressed and overworked that he wasn't even surprised when he lost a lot of weight or that he'd caught every possible kind of common flu in Germany. And there were these constant migraines and cough.

But now he was practically on bed rest. Well, technically. What stressed him? What was wrong?

How did he even pass the time? Reading, giving lessons, cleaning some and from time to time he cooked something. And working in the garden didn't count. He was just walking around watering plants. 

Some people would disagree that that was nothing, but he just felt... restless. He wasn't one to sit in one place all the time. In Germany he had to, it was too important for him to stay in one place, too vital for the whole scheme, to just travel around or even leave the town for more than a couple of weeks. But now?

He was free, wasn't he? Warning from the hospital staff was still on his mind, most of the time, so he wasn't going to just pack his bag and leave but maybe once he was given 'good to go' from his doctor he could travel again. See some old friends and allies. Apparently, Ling has been crowned as the Emperor of Xing years ago. Ed was curious about what has become of his court. 

"What are you thinking about?" someone asked but in the middle of a sentence, they've been forced to yawn which made a mess out of the rest of it.

"It's past your bedtime," Ed joked, looking at Roy making his way through the living room to get to him. It was a pretty warm night, so he wanted to sit a little outside. His feet dangled down the terrace edge, soft glow of the light still being lit by the window softened Ed's expression. He didn't bother with his hair, so it flowed down his back and over his arms. "You okay?" he asked when Roy stopped a short distance away from him and just stared with an unreadable expression on his face. 

The man grunted and sat down next to him, on the ground. 

"Your knees will be so angry with you in the morning." Ed chuckled.

"And so will yours. Don't make an old man out of me just yet," he sighed deeply and that just made Ed laugh harder.

"You sure sound like one," he shoved him with his shoulder in an attempt to get him to laugh but Roy just huffed offended. _What an actor. _

"This place looks... better than the last time I've seen it," Roy said after a momentary pause. His eyes were scanning the area before them, the backyard, that somehow, from a place some would call a cemetery, turned into quite clean and full of greens space.

"I was bored and I thought it's a good idea to repay you a little. You know, for what you did for us. I'm still going to pay! Just-" Roy put his hand over his on the floor. It was slightly warmer than his own, but he couldn't say he didn't expect that. "Can I call you Roy?" he blurted out.

The man turned his head to him and quirked his eyebrow with amusement. 

"You already... do?"

"No, I don't."

"I'm quite certain," and now that Ed thought about it he might've slipped from time to time. And after he promised himself he wouldn't! 

He heard a quiet laugh coming from the man. Roy's hand shook on his. 

"What's so funny?" he asked, turning his hand and tugging.

"Just- You asking permission over something like this," another laugh. "You didn't seem to have any problem calling me bastard without it."

That caught Ed off-guard. Of course it was different.

"The only people who call you 'Roy' are Maes and Hawkeye," he explained. 

"Maybe I didn't make it clear enough, but I care about you too," his grip on Ed's hand tightened slightly. It was comforting. "And really, don't worry about money right now. I know, I know," he said after Ed tried to open his mouth to argue. "I won't stop you when you'll want to pay, but there's no rush."

"Fine. But we'll come back to this topic."

"Of course." Roy agreed maybe just a little too readily. Ed glanced with him with a question, squinting his eyes. "Speaking of forgotten topics..." his free hand went to his blind eye and Ed could just sigh, already resigned. He knew it was coming. 

"There's really not much to talk about."

"And yet it took us this long to have this conversation."

"Well, yeah. Alright," Roy deserved the explanation, Ed knew. It wasn't making it any easier though. He laced their fingers together and waited for a reassuring squeeze to start. "On the Promised Day I was bargaining with the Truth, in the Gate. You've seen it. White, blank, boring." Roy nodded. "To be honest, I didn't know what I was doing, like, at all," he huffed under his breath "I just wanted this whole mess to end, to get Al's body back, to stop everyone from dying. There were so many casualties already and I wasn't focused, just nodded along to everything, really. But then It said that you'd lost your eyes, sight, whatever. And, you know, I was already there so- might as well..."

"Is that your motto? _I'm already here so I might as well do something foolish_?" Roy asked, but he didn't seem angry. Just tired.

"I was already there, so I just asked if I could give you my eyes," Ed shrugged.

"Eyes?" a crease formed on Roy's forehead, as if he tried to stop a frown of displeasure from appearing on his face.

"Mhm. I didn't know I was being sent somewhere. I was so sure-"

"That you're going to die," Roy finished. He was looking at him with shock and Ed had to turn away. He didn't want to see Roy's reaction.

"I had nothing to lose, and you had everything. But before you start to feel bad about it, it wasn't that I wanted to do it just for you. I was sure Truth will just destroy my body so I thought that maybe I can help some other people. I'd thought about it before and I decided to give away my organs, as a donor, after my death, and my body to medical uni, but well, it obviously didn't work out."

The sun set some time ago but up until this moment, Roy still felt some resemblance of warmth. But now he could remember sitting at the reading of Edward's last will, and that exact thing being said in a cold office full of grieving people. It wasn't something he liked going back to.

"So when I was standing there, before the Gate and Truth, I asked to do something similar. Now that I think about it, it was a stupid move. Good thing It didn't go through with it, I kind of needed the rest of me in Munich, you know. You can imagine how surprised I was to wake up at all," Ed snorted quietly and stopped talking. Was there anything left to say?

There was silence then and it was becoming heavier and heavier with every minute passing.

"You didn't give me any choice," was the first thing Roy said, after minutes of waiting, his voice hoarse. 

"I-"

"Do you know how that made me feel? Every single time I looked into a mirror I remembered how much of a fuck up I am, how I failed not only you but everyone else." Roy didn't mean to raise his voice but those were years of regret and bitterness without any outlet but self-hatred. And Edward was so- so nonchalant about it. So carefree talking about his own demise when Roy spent years trying to function like a normal human being. 

"What did you want me to do? Yeah! Let's let this country burn down and every citizen should die! That sounds like such a better idea!" snarled Ed. He tried to free his hand from Roy's but the man didn't let him, his fingers squeezing his uncomfortably. "Let go!" he screeched and only that startled Roy enough for him to yank his hand away. They looked at each other in shock for a couple of moments. 

Roy blinked and Ed almost reached for him with how crestfallen and hurt he looked. But he stopped himself and moved away instead.

"I'm- I'm so-"

"No. Just- no." Ed shook his head. Roy had to think he was completely rejecting him because he tried to stand with a nod as if it was the end of their conversation. He would probably go find his hidden alcohol stash. "It's me. I should be sorry. You're right."

"I didn't think I'll ever hear these words from you."

"Yet here we are." Ed looked him with a grimace, that probably was supposed to be a smile. "I hadn't thought of the consequences but to be honest... Even if I had I don't think my decision would change. You deserve to work towards this- big goal of yours. And to see it through to the very end. I'm sorry, for being inconsiderable but I can't say I regret my decision."

"And I can't really say I'm not grateful for it. Maybe this feeling is the worst. Besides, you're doing it again, taking all the blame, thinking you owe everything to everyone. I am sorry too, for my reaction. I hope you can forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive."

"Then thank you. For the chance of seeing my ambition come true." Roy's voice turned again, this time fond and warm and that made Ed's heart speed up. Just a notch. 

"It's fine! Really!" he said quickly, his voice cracking at the edges. The man turned away with a hum, looking at the garden. 

This time Ed couldn't stop himself from reaching and brushing black strand of hair away from his face, and touching his skin just below his gold eye. Roy looked bewildered but not weirded out which was a win in Ed's book. 

"It suits you."

A sudden weight on his covers woke Ed up with a fright. He reached for a throwing knife he'd hidden under his pillows the very first day he moved with Roy but before he could attack Ana's face pushed into his field of vision. With a sigh, he relaxed. 

"Ana?"

"Someone's calling."

"Hm? Who? It's early morning, what do they want?" with a roll of his eyes he pushed himself up. 

"It's almost dinner time." Ana said, concern hidden in her voice. Ed wasn't surprised.

"I just stayed up late yesterday," he said patting her hair. "Who's calling?"

"It's one of these people in Roy's office? The one who smells like smoke."

"It's Havoc. Thanks," she nodded and run out of the room, probably back to the living room or library. Ed picked up a receiver on a table next to his bed. How did that not wake him up? "Havoc?"

"Hey, Boss! We have a situation here so if you'd be so kind..." the man sounded... the way he did every day and yet Ed couldn't shake off the feeling of unease. 

"I don't work for the military anymore."

"Well, yeah. But you'll get a consultant pass so it's not a problem."

"What even happened?" Ed asked but he was already opening his wardrobe to pick clothes and change. 

"People are seeing weird things in the countryside and we think it's the work of an alchemist. We already called Al two days ago but he can't think of anything so you're our last resort, kinda. No pressure though."

"Alright. I'll be there in half an hour? Maybe more, I have to call a taxi." 

"General is already sending a car, don't bother. See ya soon, Boss."

_Okay, then. At least I'll leave the house to go somewhere else than grocery shop._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give special thanks to people who left kudos even after seeing I didn't update since last year but,,, I already did that on my last chapter,,,, kinda embarrassing tbh  
Well, thanks either way! Hope you liked the chapter


	6. Chapter 6

"What do you think?" Roy asked, trying to keep his eyes on the road and failing miserably. Edward didn't say a word since they left Central Command, his eyes vacant. The man worried that maybe it was too fast, trying to get Ed to work with alchemy again after so many years without any contact with it. 

To be quite honest, Roy couldn't imagine his life without alchemy. Sometimes he thought it was the biggest curse of his existence. It brought nothing but pain, and suffering, and death, not only to him but everyone else involved. At the same time, it was his greatest source of comfort and, without it, he would be dead years ago, buried somewhere under sand or snow. 

The feeling of fire dancing on his fingertips could get addictive and he was very well aware of that. 

Edward rarely started talks about alchemy on his own. Sometimes he would be asked a question and answering it seemed to pain him but he still did it. He never started talking by himself though. It was weird, disconcerting... sad. And yet it felt as if Roy got to know him better this past couple of months than through their whole relationship before the Promised Day. 

He knew Ed wanted to cut his hair shorter but was afraid of what others might think. That after 10 pm Ed would drink only chamomile tea. That sometimes he liked reading fantasy fiction and learned how to play the guitar while in Germany. Roy got to know his opinion about so many different things and yet he still missed him babbling about arrays or applications of alchemy in everyday life. He thought that maybe calling upon him as a consultant, to try and help him open up that way, was a good idea. He even talked it out with Alphonse and the man agreed too.

Well, it was a mistake. 

Edward was staring straight through the windshield, eyes glazed over and arms crossed, for the past ten minutes. Roy's question seemed to wake him up though. Ed's head jerked to the side and he finally caught his gaze. 

"About...? Oh, weird shit. Uh, I don't know. I'll think about it some more. Look through some books. It's nothing severe for now so it should be fine."

Roy knew he was lying, or at least not telling the whole truth, but he knew Ed didn't like his lies being exposed. 

"Calling it ‘weird shit’ is an understatement." the woman who had described the first occurrence started crying in the middle of the interview.

It’d started slowly. 

Last winter people found red trails in the forest. Everyone had written it off as a wounded animal trying to find a safe hideout and leaving droplets of blood on the snow. It happened sometimes. It was normal.

But then birds would start falling from the sky and farmers would find once ferocious wolves dead on their doorstep. Sounds, too human to be a beast but too horrifying to be human, resounded almost every night throughout the whole forest. It hadn’t happened anywhere else. Yet.

People chose their representatives, a woman and an old man, and begged their local military staff to try and do something about it. On the night when the soldiers were looking through the ‘cursed’ forest, one of the lakes suddenly turned bloody red. Of course, it was written off as natural occurrence, some minerals activating is all. But it couldn’t be. Such coincidence was just too improbable. So they turned to the Central for help.

„Listen, I’ve got an idea, okay?” Ed said while finally, _finally_, turning to look at him. „I just need some time to- to confirm. Take me to the archive.” Roy willed himself to relax his hands on the steering wheel. Ed had a plan, it was fine. 

After Ed left, Anais was left alone in the house.

It wouldn't be the first time nor the last, so she didn't mind at all. It happened before in a lot more dangerous circumstances, after all. Staying alone in this house, in a pretty quiet neighborhood with kind people living around, she wasn't afraid.

Before leaving, Ed started on a dinner for her, boiling water for pasta, and reminding her to add spaghetti in a couple of minutes. Some other parents would probably scold him for that, a twelve-year-old alone with boiling water on a stove, but it wasn't as if she never cooked for herself before. Ed couldn't always be there to do that for her, so she had to learn. 

It was actually pretty calming. She preferred baking sweets than cooking but- there was something very fulfilling about making a meal from scratch for her family. To see them happy with her. Knowing she was able to take care of them even in such a small way. 

For the longest time, her only family was Ed but now, slowly, with time passing, it expanded on other people too. She was too awkward to interact with everyone the way she wanted, to show them her appreciation, but she tried and in her book, it was already a big step. Anais hoped they could sense it somehow. 

After eating her dinner and a quick call to Ed, that just confirmed he and Roy will probably come back late into the night, she tried to think of something to do. Normally, it would be time for her homeschooling. She was really excited about today's lesson too, already going through the topic twice just to be sure she got everything to surprise Ed. That wasn't happening so... something else then. 

The living room was clean and tidy when she swept her gaze over it. The sun shone through the big windows, illuminating everything in a soft, soft, orange glow of the afternoon. She liked that part of the day the most. More often than not she would find herself basking in it, sitting on the terrace or just on the floor of the living room or library, soaking light into her skin. Keeping that warmth deep inside. It worried her slightly, that it might disappear someday.

It wouldn’t be half bad to do that again, so she trotted to her room and grabbed the book she had recently started. Something about biology. If Rudy saw her now he would most probably call her names like an idiot he was. And not in a sweet, affectionate manner the girls, Elicia and Tabitha, did calling her a bookworm. They did it with fondness lacing their voices and with smiles on their lips.

He was just an asshole.

When he was mean to her from time to time, Elicia would step in and tell him to get lost or grow up and something delicate would flutter in Anais’ chest. She wasn’t sure what that was, but it was nice. It was warm, like that sunlight that was streaming into her living room through the windows.

Of course, she was perfectly capable of picking her own fights, and only Elicia’s calm behavior stopped her time and time again from just punching him in the guts and leaving on a sidewalk. It probably wasn’t very lady-like of her to imagine him writhing in pain for some time before standing up and cowering home with his tail between his legs, but she still enjoyed it sporadically when he pissed her off more than usual. Besides that, Elicia liked resolving things peacefully. And Ana liked Elicia. 

Time flew by fast while she read. Sun was slowly going down, lower and lower, so she had to turn on the light and take a blanket. She wanted to continue laying on the floor of the living room. 

The bell rung then. It sounded shrill in her ear after such a long time of silence. 

It rang again and she couldn’t just ignore it anymore, so she walked up to it softly, so that the person on the other side wouldn’t hear her, and took a look through a peephole. It was Thomas, Roy’s chauffeur. 

„Good evening, miss Elric,” he said pleasantly after she opened the door. 

„General’s not home.” 

„Oh, no no. I was sent to check up on you. Mr. Elric didn’t want you to be here all day on your own so-„

„So they sent you to play my babysitter?” she groaned and let him in even though she didn’t want to. „I’m fine.”

„Nobody’s saying you’re not.”

„Do they even pay you for it? Because you shouldn’t have 'taking care of a kid' in your contract.” that made him chuckle. She led him to the kitchen already fed up with the whole thing. The twelve-year-old was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She never needed a nanny in Munich! Never had one, besides the old lady down the street she stayed with when Ed was being deployed. 

„It’s a side job, let’s call it. I have 5 cousins and I’m the eldest so I had to take care of them, you know.” 

„Just- leave me be.”

„Sure, but I’m here if you need me. Think I can use the tv?”

„Uh, yeah, I guess.” Ana stared at him for a moment, saw him getting comfortable on the couch, before running up the stairs to her room. 

It wasn’t that the girl disliked him. The man was entertaining if he wanted to and they’ve talked quite a lot when he was driving her around on Roy's order. Casual small-talk mostly. Sometimes he would let her bubble about some book or movie, sometimes they’d gossip about people they both knew, more or less.

Ana just didn’t feel like having a company that day. Something was simply... off.

Her intuition was right, as it often was when it came to Ed, because just 3 hours after her bedtime door to her room creaked open and a looming figure appeared above her bed.

Ed kneeled on the rug by her bed, needing only a little bit of help, and rested his head on his arms on the mattress. 

„Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

He looked at her as she slowly took the blanket off of her head and closed the book she was reading. There wasn’t any anger or impatience in his gaze. Just tiredness. A little affection she knew he held only for her. 

„I should," she said instead of trying to lie her way out. Ed just hummed before his eyes betrayed him and fluttered down. „Are you tired?” 

„Just a little. I walked a lot today.”

„Where’s Roy?” 

„Talking to Thomas. Sorry for sending him without asking.”

„It’s fine, he’s alright. Didn’t disturb me much.”

„Oh? Disturbing you? You sound like you’re home. You really grew attached to this place, hmm?” his tone of voice was teasing, but she could hear underlying it worry.

„I- I like it here. Are we going to move?” 

Ed sighed deeply and met her eyes again.

„Probably, yes. We can’t overstay our welcome. But you don’t have to stress over it, it’s in the future. I still have to find a job and all. A lot of things will happen before that.”

„It sounds like a threat.” he mirrored her smile with his own, a more tamed version.

„We’ll see about that. What were you doing today?” 

„Hmmm, nothing, really. I just-„

The feeling of unease didn’t leave her that night. Or any other that followed.

Dust sprang up from under his feet as he took a step out of the car, startling him out of his stupor. Stretched in front of him was a big village with a couple of houses standing quietly and eerily on both sides of the road, their residents apparently hiding inside judging by falling curtains in windows when the group was passing by. 

They knocked on the door to the biggest house at the end of the street, up the hill. Somewhere along the way, Ed had to catch Havoc’s arm not to trip and it stayed that way. Better safe than sorry. Ed still didn’t feel that secure with his new limbs. 

When he called Winry asking if she can hurry with his prosthetics, and then offhandedly asked if maybe they’re durable enough to spend a couple of hours in the wild, he thought she’s going to reach through the phone and strangle him. But she just sighed after a momentary pause and said she’d already taken care of that. 

So there he was. Just two weeks after fitting, in the middle of a forest, with a shaky leg and a shaky hand, trying to find a cause for some alchemical anomaly in a rural southern village.

The door opened to an old woman. She was tiny, not looking like the chief of the village she was at all. Ed could see Havoc opening his mouth to ask whether they got the right house probably, but instead of stomping on his foot really hard, he reached out his hand for a handshake cutting him off.

„Hello, I’m Edward Elric. This is Lieutenant Colonel Jean Havoc and Seargent Thomas Angevin. The rest of the group is waiting by the car. We’ve been called about strange happenings.”

The woman sized him up before shaking his hand with surprising strength. 

„Madelaine Szczepaniak. Took you some time.”

„Yes, well. We’ll try to take care of it fast enough not to waste any more of it.”

She nodded, seemingly satisfied. 

„You can’t be worse than our police. If you need anything my house is open for you, but don’t bother anyone else. Nerves are fried, people stressed. Better not make it worse by showing up on their threshold in full military uniform.”

„Of course.” Ed nodded along, tone smooth and understanding. „We’ve got a full description of things that had happened, but I have to ask whenever you want to add anything, ma’am,” he said motioning to Thomas to pass him the written report. 

The woman read it through, not really in a hurry. Havoc started to fidget next to Ed after a couple of minutes.

„Not really. You have all of it here,” she said returning the report back. „But-„ a sigh left her lips- „I’ll ask you to go to the old mill and check the place out while you’re at it. Some children were screeching about it a week ago on the square.”

„Ma’am, kids screech about a lot of things,” said Havoc, not trying to be condescending but still managing to be.

„Kids know more than they let on,” both Madelaine and Ed said at the same time surprising each other and the two men. One of the corners of the woman's mouth lifted in a crooked smile. 

„As I said, my house is open. Peter will show you the locations.” She nodded at the man who stood out of their field of vision in the hall.

„Thank you very much for your cooperation.”

„Yeah yeah, go on.” She waved them goodbye and with that, they were off. 

Peter led them into the forest first, showing where the blood was found in the winter and then the places where it was found recently, still stark-red against the dark ground.

"Shouldn't it dry already? Go dark?" Havoc asked, not really perturbed, probably already dismissing the liquid as blood. He looked around, hiding his hands into the pockets, trying to find some other clues in between the trees, but Ed could not do the same. Something like a sense of deja vu hit him suddenly. 

"It starts here and goes for half of the kilometer south," Peter said, showing them the direction.

"And just? Ends?" one of the men asked already filling vials with the blood for the lab to take care of later. 

"Yup. Goes nowhere."

Before Ed could propose going there to see for himself some of the men volunteered themselves, sending him and Havoc to the pond, which was much more closer. 

"Please take care, Mr. Elric." Thomas waved them goodbye before following the group into the forest.

"Aww, wasn't that nice of them? We don't have to walk through the bushes, just this nice, well-trodden path."

"I just hope they'll be throughout about it. Did Roy put you to do it?" 

"Maybe so." Havoc winked and put Ed's hand in the crook of his arm once again. "Let's go. This place freaks me up."

Edward couldn't disagree when he looked back at the bloody splatters. It was weird, but his vision started to waver and the splatters sometimes would look more like regular shapes. More like paw-prints than just puddles. Some like human hands prints. 

Havoc pulled him along and the visions quickly disappeared from his sight. 

"The old mill is our next destination and after that, we can head out."

"It's next to the pond?"

"Yup," Havoc said, seemingly very happy that they didn't have to walk further into the woods, instead getting the easier job of looking for a gossip inside an abandoned building. He rummaged through his pockets trying and succeeding to find his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. After some maneuver, not to jostle Ed's hand too much, he lighted it up and took a drag. Ed just stared at him with 'are you kidding' expression.

"What?"

"Do I have to tell Kain?" Ed asked, not even trying to mask his grin when Havoc sputtered.

"Oh, c'mon."

"I'm joking, relax, but you really have to put it out. I can't be around smoke." he knocked his fist over his chest slowly. "You know. My lungs are kinda..."

"Fuck, sorry. I completely forgot." the man put the cigarette out and threw the butt of it into the bushes. And then dutifully picked it out after one of Ed's glares. "Yeah, uhh, sorry again."

"It's fine. But I thought you would get rid of that addiction by now."

"It's hard, okay?" Havoc sighed. "I'm trying. Just going through a seatback, I guess. This place is stressing me out."

After that the conversation ended for a little while, both of them lost in thought. At least until they saw the pond with a small the mill on the shore.

"Woah," Havoc breathed out slowly, in awe. The place was really beautiful. Ed could faintly remember seeing a similar picture in one of the fairytale books he would read to Ana when she was little. 

Dark but clean water, small building covered in a green vine, all surrounded by small clearing full of flowers, and then trees as far as they could see. It was peaceful, not at all like a haunted dilapidated mill they had expected. 

"I'll walk in first, check if it's stable enough to investigate," said the man and without any further words headed inside, leaving Ed by the water. 

He looked around soaking the view. It truly was amazing. The last years of his life were spent in the city, near factories, companies, shops, busy streets. He didn't even think about how much he missed nature up until that moment when he just stood quietly, at the shore of a pond, surrounded by it. 

Birds chirped sweetly and the leaves rustled comfortingly, silencing the noise in his head for once. So when he saw a small pier short distance from the mill he couldn't stop himself. Knowing he had to hear Havoc if anything happened, he took a couple of steps towards it, glancing behind at the mill from time to time almost as if looking for a reason not to reach the pier. 

But why wouldn't he reach it? He could hear faint warning thrumming through his blood when he took the first step onto the wood. It held up. So he took another. And another. 

Standing so close to the middle of the pond was exciting in a way. It wasn't a small garden puddle some people would build in their yards, it was wide and spacious and deep. Ed couldn't see the bottom of it although he tried very hard. But he could see something else. 

Havoc left the mill relieved if not a little disappointed. Sure, the building was pretty creepy, let abandoned and unfurnished, dust coating every surface. Some windows were gone, some just broken. But he couldn't stop thinking about how with some funding it could be rebuilt into something useful again. 

"Hey, Boss! You can come in, but I'm not sure if there's anything to investigate. I found an owl and her babies in the attic and a pack of martens under the stairs so, these make noise sometimes," he huffed, happy there weren't any more surprises here. Some wild animals in the middle of the forest. Of course. 

Only silence answered him from the outside. Even the wind whistling through the door sounded somewhat tamer. 

"Ed?"

When he walked out there wasn't anyone in sight. Just wind, trees, a lonely pier, and dark water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes:  
1\. I have no idea how military works and frankly, I don't want to do my research. I just checked the hierarchy in the us military system. So don't pay any attention to anyone's rank, it isn't important either way.  
2\. Can't remember seeing tv in the anime but oh well, they have it here idk  
3\. This chapter was a nightmare to write omg I rewrote it like,,, 6 times? Hope the next one will be easier,,  
4\. Only now I see there's a lot of ocs in this,, sorry for that, they won't be really important or anything. Besides Anais, ofc, and I have some plans for Thomas in the future,,, and Ana and Elicia's friends, I guess,,, a lot of ocs indeed  
As always thanks for reading!! Hope you enjoyed :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's not dead :DD but I soon will be so,,,, here
> 
> a warning for self-harm, but it isn't really self-harm? if you're worried please skip to the notes and I'll just explain it there, don't want to risk it, stay safe

"Don't you think there's something... not right, with brother?" Alphonse asked, not quite meeting Roy's eyes. He had walked into his office and sat on the couch in silence for a couple of minutes, long enough for Roy to almost forget he's there, only now stopping his focus. The man lifted his eyes from the latest form he had to sign and flexed his hand. He didn't exactly want to think about it, about the implications, but the question still stuck in his head.

Was there? Something not right? To be honest, there were many things that were 'not right', but that was to be expected. Edward wasn't the same teenager they had known, from before the gate took him away and made him into what he was now.

"What do you mean?" Roy asked either way because if there was someone who would be able to see some, even miniscule, problems and issues with Ed it would be his brother.

"You know," Alphonse made a vague motion with his hand in the air and sighed at the question in Roy's eyes. "He doesn't sleep. Rarely eats. And the dreams..."

"Alphonse, you can't expect him not to have those. It's a pretty normal reaction-"

"Yes, I know that, just- isn't it weird? I mean- no, not weird, but-" Al groaned getting up and stepping up to the desk. "He doesn't remember. Any of them. If you have a nightmare you wake up, your mind replaying everything. Terrified and- Ed doesn't do that. He sleeps through the night, and then through the day sometimes, having those dreams and never quite waking up. And when he does he doesn't even remember."

Roy stared at the younger brother pacing his office, working himself up in frenzy. "Maybe his mind is blocking them?"

"I don't know. Before- before _that_ brother always remembered. I know, it sounds stupid to compare one situation to the other but back then even if it was some awful, terrifying nightmare Ed would remember. Sometimes he even told me what was stressing him out so much and we could work it out."

"And now you can't," Roy guessed and apparently hit bingo with how disappointment seemed to overflow Al's gaze.

"And now I can't."

Both of them sighed simultaneously sharing a look before Al went back to his seat on the couch. 

"I still can't believe you kept that old thing," he mused, smiling gently, his hand passing over an old leather armrest. It was embarrassing how long it had taken Roy to find it after he came back from the north and then transfer it to his office. It was ugly, thoroughly used, and completely didn't match the more formal and grand aesthetic of a general's office, but it was comforting to have it there. 

He could almost hear a ghost of banging doors, heavy footsteps, and the sound of leather squeaking under the weight of a human boy and metal limbs.

"I can see what you're doing." Roy thought for a moment whether he was a hypocrite or not, using the same technique of changing the topic as Al. The man snorted, seeing right through him, but didn't comment any further. "I will keep a close eye on him," he tapped the skin under his seeing-eye, shooting Alphonse a smile that he hoped was reassuring. 

"Thank you."

"And you know my house is always open for you. No matter the time."

"Yes, I know," Al's voice turned grateful for a moment, before going back to its normal timbre. "Speaking of, is brother still in Gravesea?"

"...where?"

Al stared at Roy funnily, visibly stopping himself from looking as if he was judging him.

"That small village? You sent him there with Havoc?"

"I didn't think it has a name," he admitted before glancing at the clock on the wall. "Havoc said he's going to report back on 1500 hou-"

The clock struck 6 pm.

"Edward," the voice in his head was quiet but insistent. Determined to drill into his brain and confuse the fu- heck out of him. "How long are you going to ignore me?"

Ed wanted to open his eyes, but every time he tried, some liquid was getting in. It couldn't be water, it stung too much. 

"Better don't open your mouth either," the voice suggested and Ed, just to be stubborn, did just that. He choked on the liquid, metallic taste attacking his taste buds brutally, getting into his airways. "Told you so."

His body rebelled against that mocking tone, legs kicking out and hands trying to reach anything, anything at all. 

"Calm down, Edward. Stop making a fuss."

He kicked the water (he hoped it was water, against all suspicions) harder, trying to find the surface still blinded by darkness, but his automail weighted him down, pulling towards the bottom. 

"I just need you to do something for me. It shouldn't be very difficult even in your state."

Ed shook his head as if repelling the Truth out of his mind. 

"Well, you promised already, so there's no point in saying 'no' for you now. You couldn't possibly think I sent you back just because. Just because you wanted to go back. And with the little one at that. I'm not that kind." 

Ed's lungs burned and only hands on his mouth were stoping him from heaving, from getting the liquid into his throat again. Suddenly, a bright flash broke the darkness surrounding him, piercing his closed eyelids and blinding him, this time with a violent red streak of light.

It hurt.

Something jagged was tearing at his hip in jerky movements, leaving an open wound in its wake. A couple of cuts were nothing, or at least that was what Ed thought until the last stroke was finished and his hip started to itch and burn as if someone was trying to brand him with hot metal. At least he wouldn't bleed out, he thought blearily, slowly losing consciousness. 

"Do you see what you pushed me to do? If only you managed to focus better before..." Truth's voice was almost remorseful. "No matter. Find and destroy it. It's festering in the Gravesea and does nothing but be a bother to me. I did so much for you. Repay me with the same."

The strength faded away quickly after that. Sweet water entered his mouth and choked him when he tried to take a breath-

-and the next moment he was hacking his lugs out at the border of the forest and the shore. His fingers dug into the dirt, trying to find the balance when his whole body weighted right, unsteady and exhausted. It took him a minute to calm down. After that was sorted out, Ed sat back on his knees and took one more deep breath.

"That sure was- something," he whispered and immediately cringed at how rough his voice sounded. His hand reached out to massage his throat, but he stopped it short the moment he saw bright blood spilled on his glove, dirtying it red. Where did it-?

A pang of pain on his hip made itself known and he glanced down. 

His shirt was torn and covered in blood. Something akin to panic slowly found a way through the confused haze Ed was in, and he grabbed a piece to see the reason for the mess. The wound itself was unsightly, jagged, and uneven. Ed felt sick looking at it. 

"Boss! Ed! C'mon, where are you?!" Ed could recognize Jean's voice even from far away. He wanted to shout back, but something was stopping him from doing so. Fear assaulted his senses and it made him angry. What was there to fear? He needed help and Havoc would be able to provide it with first-aid. Ed's gaze has fallen again to his wound. 

It wasn't deep. The cuts were shallow and non-life-threatening, and there was so much blood only because there were many of them, some short strokes, some more curved and long. He wouldn't bleed out because of it. 

The next thing that caught his eyes was a broken branch lying innocently near him. 

It had been broken unevenly which made it sharp enough to draw blood. His blood apparently- the thing was covered in it. And the branch laid exactly where his right hand was gripping the ground just a couple of minutes previously, which meant that-

Was it him? Did he do that? His hand sneaked back to his wound, covering it. 

The voices of calling him soldiers were coming closer. 

Jerked from his thoughts Ed scrambled for the branch. His hands shook and mind raced, trying to piece what had happened while he was... unconscious? Probably? This time words of Truth rang clear and true in his head. It wasn't a dream. 

What was he doing while in there? What was his body doing? Drowning probably, judging by his soaked appearance and wet hair that cling to his neck. Ed grabbed the branch and stabbed the ground with it.

"Ed! Man, here you are!" hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up. "You spooked me, boss, disappearing like that," Havoc said. Ed could see the relief slowly filling his eyes. It stopped suddenly, when his eyes landed on the bloody shirt, relief giving way to scrutiny. "Wha-"

"I fell and landed on a branch. It kinda... scratched me. I swear it's not as bad as it looks," Ed added quickly making himself stay still as Jean tugged on his shirt to take a closer look.

"I mean, yeah," the man nodded. "Some shallow cuts, we just have to put some bandaids on it and it'll be fine. But man, Ed, be more careful. That's why I was there, to stop things like that from happening. Now not only Al will murder me but General too," his sigh was exasperated. "And Ana, and colonel Hughes and-"

"I understand: You'll be so dead. Do you think someone will let me borrow some dry clothes?"

"Changing topic like that," Jean huffed but after seeing how soaked Ed was, he quickly ushered him down the path and onto the road. "Do you want to check anything else?"

"For now? No, I don't think so," Ed muttered, eyeing the pond they were passing. Something shimmered under the surface before going out. 

"Ed!" Alphonse was the first to reach them once they parked the car under the Central Command. "We were worried," he said throwing his arms around Ed's shoulders and squeezing.

"Why? We were gone for two days." Jean and Al shared a quick glance. "You're not even subtle."

"Sorry, we asked Jean to report to Roy every couple of hours just to... be sure everything's fine." Al cringed a little. "I know. We should have told you and it was, well, just a little-"

"It's fine," Ed brushed past them, heading for the entrance. He missed the two men behind him exchanging surprised looks again, worry mingling with relief. They rushed to catch up to him.

"Where are you going?"

"Hm? Hawkeye probably wants me to write a report, but to be honest my handwriting only got worse by now. Thought I can just give a verbal report or something."

"Brother... you're not on active duty, it's not your job to make reports. Jean and the rest will take care of that," Al reminded him softly. But just a moment later a grin split his face. "If you want to talk to the General you will have some time later."

Ignoring that last sentence Ed stopped in his tracks and turned. "I don't have to report?"

"Nah. Thomas and I will write everything down. You can help out, sure, but just pass us some notes and we'll take it into account."

Ed was stunned. Even now, years later, his first instinct was to go and bitch about the mission- only this time he would try to actually be descriptive and helpful. In Germany, his superiors had wanted his written reports also, but he just told some assistants to do it for him and that was it. Nobody really cared about that part. 

"Sorry. Old habit, I guess."

He and his brother bid goodbye to the team and caught the taxi. Now that Ed thought about it, he was tired. Not physically, not exactly. After they came back to the house of the village chief he patched himself up, was given a duvet and a pillow, and then the old lady showed him a couch he could nap on. There was almost no time to let his mind wander.

He hadn't dreamed either. 

The evening was calm. It was nice, Ed thought sitting on the sofa in the living room, browsing through a book, trying to find anything about the Gate. It was an illustrated edition of some legends slash fairy tales, so he didn't hope for much. 

He and Al had looked through every research book they could find during their quest to get back their bodies and not even one suggested anything like that. Like dreams and actual communication, even if it was one-sided. So, fairy tales then. 

Ana was already asleep with her head in his lap, and he reached out to tug the blanket higher. Not surprisingly, she was very into the stories. It always fascinated her, how people tried to mask unbelievable truth by adding a bit of magic to it and calling it an imaginary tale. She never really believed they were just 'fairy tales' and demanded to know for what the possible cover-up would be.

He chuckled at the thought. 

"What's so funny?" Ed whipped his head around. Roy was leaning on the door heavily, clearly tired and fed up with the day that passed. His shoulders were tense and hands balled into fists by his side. 

"Nevermind. You look bad."

"Thank you very much, Edward." 

"I'm being serious. Did something happen?" his head cocked to the side involuntary, curiosity taking over. What he wasn't expecting was faint concern at the back of his head, pushing him to ask harder, be more insistent, try and make it more bearable for the man. He shushed that part of him.

"No. Not really," Roy shook his head and finally pushed himself off of the frame. He headed towards the kitchen.

Ed chose not to call out to him and went back to the book. 

_And the crane spoke the truth that surprised the population. People wept over him and his beautiful wings lost to the love, the same way his whole life was. On the last day, the blade of the priest sung loudly from its place on his hip, begging for revenge, begging him to use it as a needle to sew the crane's heart together again, but the man was silent, and the crane looked upon him with mirth, knowing all there was to know._

"What are you reading?" Roy asked through the yawn, walking into the living room. He was already showered and took a bowl of soup from the kitchen. He started slurping it while making his way to the armchair. 

"I found some records of old Xerxian legends. Not all of them are finished or are translated very poorly, but it'll do," said Ed. One of his hands was flipping the pages while the other played with Anais' hair, untangling some stubborn stray locks. She snuggled closer to his stomach making quiet snoring noises.

"I didn't take you for a fan of fairy tales."

Ed glanced in his direction, his fringe framing his face. The fire from the fireplace reflected in his gold eyes, making them even shinier than they normally were. Roy swore he could see miniscule golden streaks in there. Light eyelashes cast a soft shadow on his cheeks, somewhat erasing lines of worry from his face, painting it softer than it was. Roy would like to know where had Ed got those. Those slight wrinkles around his mouth and on his forehead, but also happy and joyful crow's feet near his eyes. Who put them there? 

Those lines on his face weren't that noticeable, only if you looked would you see them. Roy was somewhat happy he managed to get close enough to be able to. 

"Nothing's wrong with them. I just never really got a chance to check if I like them or not."

Roy's gaze softened a little at that. Who wouldn't understand the implications? The childhood of two boys had passed by filled with alchemy and science books and encrypted codes of their lost father. The man could remember some of his sisters reading him classic fairy tales when he was a mere child, perched at the edge of his bed in the dark. They always put something gross in them to spook him, but he still remembered it fondly. 

The bowl cluttered when he put it on the table.

Roy stretched out, arms high above his head and feet landing on the sofa, near Ed's hip. 

The man lifted one of his brows in a silent question and Roy could not help, but smile and slowly relax into a soft plush.

"Do you have a favorite one?"

Ed rolled his eyes and fondly patted his ankle with his free hand. 

"Actually..."

Ed escorted Roy carrying Anais to her room. The two of them chatted softly while the girl mumbled softly, making sleepy sounds they could not help but to coo over.

"Don't tell her I said that," whispered Roy after one particularly mushy comment.

"Your secret is safe with me," Ed chuckled under his breath. 

They maneuvered her into her bed before tucking her in. Ed took a minute to braid her hair for her, so that it wouldn't be all over the place in the morning, and stroked her forehead gently. 

Once they left her room and closed the door it was time to say goodnight.

"I'm going to take a fast shower so, sorry for the noise."

"Somehow I doubt it will matter to me much. I'm going to fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow," the man smiled at him. "Goodnight then."

"Goodnight."

They waved at each other from across the hall as Roy disappeared into his own bedroom. 

Ed's hand slowly fell to his side and a smile played at his lips. It was nice, to be- well, nice. With Roy. He was utterly fucked, maybe. The Truth wanted him to do something for it, to track something down and destroy it, he knew that now. But at least he could experience that. God, where was the last time he bantered with someone playfully? Could just talk, without filtering any words?

He rushed to the bathroom and turned on the shower, hot water spraying down the drain and the fog clinging to mirrors. 

He took off his cardigan and a shirt and in hurry ripped off the bandages from his hip. There, in stark contrast to his pale skin, was an array. It was familiar. It was the same he would doodle on the margin of his notebooks since a couple of weeks ago. The one he would see for a second under his eyelids when he was sleepy. The one that spilled out of his book that one time and turned to dust. 

The Truth was trying to tell him about it. He just couldn't understand. 

Its barbaric shapes were even more obvious while it was in a form of a wound, still blistering and bleeding slightly. It was a miracle they left him alone without questions, just giving him some salve for healing and calling it a day.

He had to work it out and get it over with. First, he should ask the Truth to actually explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ed harms himself carving an array into his hip with a branch but it isn't really him but the gate/truth taking control of his body I guess and doing that while he was unconscious.
> 
> Okay it's late now so i'm going to go zzz thank you whoever is reading, the patience of the saint you possess is amazing ily


End file.
